The Day Before One

The day before Rachel turned one, I took the girls (Hugo was having a day with his dad) to the park. It was a lovely day. We did all the usual things that you do at a park. Rachel did all the usual things a baby does at a park - like eat dirt.

I made the girls delicious food for lunch, in the form of a bento. Grapes with flower cucumber, corn puffs, ham, tomato slices, more cucumber flowers, carrot sticks and cauliflower hunks (both slightly cooked) with Japanese mayo. They also had yoghurt squeezies, just in case.

I even ate some of this, when they got bored. Actually, I also had to hide some of the containers when it became apparent that they were intent on eating all of the grapes and corn puff first, to the exclusion of the other food.

This was the first time that I put mayo in for the carrots and cauliflower to be dipped into prior to eating (it's a very Japanese thing (although usually with broccoli, but whatever)). Don't know that I'll do that again, because the first thing Rachel did was stick her whole hand in it to find out what it was. And then not eat it at all.

It occurs to me as I look at these photos that now I have two little girls, not a little girl and a baby. And I'm ok with that.

Bunnings Beginnings

Thanks to the rainy weather we've been having, I had cause to rack my brain thinking of fun indoor places to take the kids to for entertainment. On my to do list was a trip to Bunnings and I thankfully remembered that they have a great play area for the kids too. Right next to the cafe. Well played Bunnings, well played.
 
Anyway, so off I trot to Bunnings with three kids in tow, and while I couldn't find what I was looking for, I did have a wander down the seeds isle and pick up a few packs. I'd seen this idea for growing seedlings on the internet somewhere, and thought I'd give it a go. (Despite it being winter.)

So Sophie got to help plant the first lot of seedlings, and thus, they were some quick growing Cress, which is good for kids because you can't do too much wrong, the grow fast and you can eat them afterwards. We have had a lot of fun watching these grow and because Sophie has been involved, it's made me much more diligent about watering them, checking they are in the sun etc. Maybe I should get her to help me with all the gardening...

We had some for lunch today, the girls had theirs in their salad, and I had mine in my soup. Delicious! I've replanted Sophie's to a bigger pot, and planted in some pumpkin seeds that I hope will turn into pumpkins. Exciting!

You may be wondering if I am in fact procrastinating any party/casual afternoon tea preparation for Saturday, and I'd say you are probably right. I still haven't even cooked anything. I've written a rough list of what food we will be serving though. That's almost the same right?

Party Prep

It's been very nearly the last thing on my mind of late, but Rachel actually turns one in a week and a half. Yikes! First birthdays are always a bit of a mystery to me. I mean, on one hand this is their first birthday! WOW! And also, you, as parents, have survived that first year. Wow again right? But on the other, they aren't really going to remember it, they don't really have their own friends at the stage and if I'm honest, I'm more worried about surviving their teenage years than that first year of baby-ness. 

Anyway, despite all of these things, we did send out invites to all the family and by the time you've done that you've got sixty people invited. And you think you are going to have to do this megga party and have loads of activities and things for people to do and it's just going to be crazy chaos. But then, you only get twenty RSVPs, so it's not such a big deal after all. In fact, it's more like a casual afternoon tea than a party. 

Hence why I haven't bothered to think about it, until it occurred to me on Friday that it's seven days away. And I haven't even thought about what food I might serve these people yet. So I did a think and the first thing I thought I'd better do would be to organise what Rachel will be wearing. Priorities right? She's got a drawer full of dresses though, and other clothes, so even I can't rationalise making an entirely new outfit for her to wear, birthday or no. 

So I did this instead. 

Yep, I put a monkey face on the seat of her pants. 

She's going to look so cute crawling and walking all over the lawn with that cute monkey-faced-butt swishing about. Talk about awesome. And I can sit back and feel relieved. I've done something for this party/casual afternoon tea. Who cares if no one gets fed there, the birthday girl is going to look so funky. 

Milestone at the Doctors

Yesterday I took Sophie to the skin specialist to get a mole on her head looked at. I had planned this outing so that it would be when my parents returned, so they could look after Hugo and Rachel. I also packed Sophie lunch, because I wasn't sure how long it was going to take, and you can pretty much never be sure of doctors running on time anyway.

It was so fortuitous that I did because the doctor did not like the mole on Sophie's head at all, and wanted to do a biopsy then and there. So he put the numbing cream on and we sat and waited for 45 mins for it to work. Lunch was eaten during this time. What a win, because that 45 mins would have been so painful otherwise.

This is her lunch:

Sorry for the bad photo - we were at the doctors. Cream cheese flower sandwiches, peas and corn (not eaten, but I live in hope), ham, carrots, avocado, tomato and cucumber slices.

After it was eaten they put antiseptic into her head and I had to hold her while they did a quick shave and scrape. We watched veggie tales while that happened. Her head has a little white plaster on it now and she is totally fine. No tears at all actually. I can't believe it, but that was her first haircut. At least it's memorable.

Unexpected but True

On Sunday, I actually managed to get some writing done in the afternoon. So much so that I was pretty excited to continue after dinner. I was in "The Zone". Steve was even fabulous enough to retreat to the bedroom, rather than try to watch an episode of something on the TV in the living room and distract me from "The Zone".

At about 10 he came out and commented that it was getting pretty late. Zone or no Zone, it was probably time I was in bed. I looked at him and said:

"I'm done."

"Oh good," he replies. 

"No," I clarified, "I'm done. As in, I've finished it. I'm actually done. Written the epilogue and everything."

That's right people! DONE!

Well, first draft done anyway. There is no way anyone is reading this baby yet. There are whole paragraphs that I've glossed over or skipped out, or even left myself a note like "blah blah, write this later". Some things changed between the time I first started writing and how I finished. I fleshed out detail about some characters that I'll need to go back and check matches their earlier descriptions. One of my main characters back story needs a complete overhaul, given when he ends up.  

Yep. I've got a lot of work to do. But I'm excited about it. In some ways, this editing thing is the best part. Where I chip away at the story and make it better, more refined. Give it polish and shape. Make it something that people will actually want to pick up and read. It's long and arduous, and I'm sure I'll want to tear my hair out when I realise that I've got to completely delete things that took me ages to write in the first place, but what I'll get in the end will be totally worth it. 

If this is not what God is like with us, I don't know what is. He is so excited to work away at us, and make us better. Help us to grow and change and be that beautiful thing that he knew was under our rocky exterior all the time. He knows that it's hard, and he shares our struggles when we want to run in the other direction. But in the end, it's worth it. All that growth and pain gives something amazing. 

Attempting to Stay Current and Attentive

I know I've been pretty terrible at posting lately and I keep using the excuse that I'm writing or I've got kids to look after or whatever. Don't get me wrong, these are all legitimate reasons that I'm not posting, but they are also excuses why I'm not posting. I feel sorry for all those people who do like to read along and are missing out now. I also know that when blogs that I read take a break, I tend to leave too, which means if I want to keep people reading, then I've got to keep posting. Sigh. It's a vicious cycle.

Anyway, this week has been fun and busy, which is the way I like it. Story is going really well everyone. I know it's the rough draft but I am liking where it's going. We've been to play group and prayer and had mothers group. All the usual things. Hugo likes to pull himself up and smile at things. Rachel has just worked out how to climb up onto stools to extend her reach. Sophie says a lot of things with her increasing vocabulary,  but my favourite phrases of the moment are: "Always hungry", "Goodness me!" and "Sometimes that happens".

Today we visited a friend who has a six week old bub. My three were very well behaved (whew). Because we were going to be out and about for most of the morning (my friend lives over the north side), I packed a delicious and nutritious lunch for the girls that I thought I'd share with you here.

They shared all of this and more. There are carrots cut like flowers, cheese sticks, pear and peach fruit, tomato, avocado and ham. They also had some rice crackers and a yoghurt each. Oh, and Sophie had some sultanas. An excellent lunch.

Progress

Prologue and three chapters done! Yay! I love writing. Thank you children for all having a sleep today so I could get that third chapter done and the other two smoothed out slightly. 

I know I still have heaps to go (not to mention that once it's actually written I'll have a stack of editing to do,) but I love writing, so I don't care. This is fun! 

Thanks for bearing with me while I spend most of my free time writing things that you can't read yet. You guys are amazing. :D 

Radio Silence

Things might be quiet for a while here, not only because I'm looking after three kids under three (yikes!) but also because I'm busy writing again. It is exciting and feels wonderful to be working on a new story. Hopefully it won't take too long to get done.

In the mean time, you could always go read my other book, Just as it Should (that's right, I've officially self promoted, Steve should be glad.)

That's really all I have to say. Have a great day!

Paula's Outing

This is Paula. Paula lives in a house which has a lovely backyard.

One day, Paula decided to go and spend some time in the backyard.

"Can I come too?" said Sophie.

"Yes," Paula said, "as long as you use the toilet first."

"Will you take me?" asked Rachel.

"Yes, but you'll have to wear your shoes."

"May I come along, Aunty Paula?" said Hugo.

"Of course," Paula replied, "provided you're not too tired."

For a while, they all enjoyed being outside in the lovely backyard. But then, Sophie needed to use the toilet, but refused to go inside, Rachel took off her shoes, and was bitten by an ant, and Hugo fell asleep in the swing.

Then, Paula, Sophie, Rachel and Hugo all went back inside the house together.

"Don't worry," said Paula, "we'll try to play outside in the lovely backyard another day."

Thank you to Mr Gumpy's Outing by John Burningham for providing the foundation for this story, and Sophie, Rachel and Hugo for the inspiration. 

Remain

Powerful words tonight from Tom Schmidt at church. I was really engaged for his talk.

Firstly, Tom asked us to think about what we do with our time. What is the thing that we are spending the most of our time on. Work, study, church, etc. He then asked us to think about what is the thing that our mind spends most of our time on. I found this rather fascinating, because the point is that I can spend a huge amount of time at work, but actually, my mind is only there a portion of that time.

The third thing he asked us was to think about what is the thing that our hearts spend the most amount of time on. This was a bit of a strange concept, but it made sense none the less. What are the things that grip me, or concern me. What are the things that I delight in, or experience heart break over?

Finally he asked us what do we do when we are at rest. What are we doing when our heart, mind and body are coming to relax. Is it drinking tea? Or going to a special place? What do we do to come back to the centre and realign everything.

We read a passage from John 15, in which Jesus talks about the vine and the branches (John 15:1-17). Actually, Jesus talks about a lot of things in this one passage. It kind of leaves you wondering where it's all going. What Tom highlighted for us though, was the word "remain".

This word appears eleven times in this passage. Remain. I looked it up in my fancy definition of the original word thing that comes with my phone.

Remain, abide: to tarry, to not depart a place, to be held, to continue, to endure, to remain as one, to wait.

Jesus is inviting us, asking us, telling us, that the best thing for us to do, is to remain with him. The challenge for us, for me, is do I believe that? Do I believe that the best use of my time is to abide with Jesus? We live in a culture that says if we are not switched on, or constantly consuming than we are somehow wasting our time. It is hard for us, in this day in age, to remain with Jesus. To simply switch off, and be with him.

I found this to be so true. Currently, even if I have five minutes to myself, I find I have to grab my phone and check the updates, the statuses, the RSS feeds. I find it so difficult to simply rest. Yet this is what I need to do. To remain, to wait, to trust that Jesus has what I need.

Something else I found rather striking about this was the fact that our heart, mind and body are connected in it. It's hard to try to turn off one, let alone all three but it is becoming increasingly apparent to me that in fact, our physical body is related to and connected with our spiritual health. Sure I can sit down and try to think about God, but if my body is not in a position that is ready to let everything else go, then it's no wonder that my mind is filled with distractions and diversions.

I feel compelled this week to be grappling with this. To be turning it over in my mind and wrestling with it in my heart. I want to dwell on this thought. To remain in Jesus. In his presence is where I want to be.

Something Good

Something I really dreamed of when I was growing up was that ideal neighbourhood. You know the one you see in movies; where the parents all wave at each other as they walk past, and stop for a chat. The kids can just run next door, or down the street to play with a friend. The older neighbours get looked in on by those next door, just to see if they are all right.

I know that the modern world and digital age has changed things, and the reality of this may be completely different to the shiny fantasy I see in my head, but it's a dream I have hung on to for a while now. I'm thinking of it (and blogging about it) at this moment because tonight, I contributed to making this dream a reality.

Two weeks ago, the house across the street from us was vacated by it's previous tenants, and yesterday, I saw someone pull up and start unloading. When I saw the lights on tonight, I thought there was no time like the present, and promptly loaded up some of the excess pasta I had made for dinner into a takeaway container, popped some ANZAC biscuits into a snap lock bag, and wandered on over. The person who greeted me was surprised and excited at the fact that someone had bought her dinner, and I left feeing really fabulous.

It occurs to me that this is what growing up should be about. I know that I want to see a great neighbourhood where people know and care for each other. I know that I want to live in such a neighbourhood, and have my kids grow up in such a place. And I've realised tonight, more than ever, that I am responsible for making that dream a reality. I have the power to help create such a place, right here and right now.

I am so thankful for the neighbourhood that I live in. Thankful that God has been so gracious to us, in giving us really wonderful and caring neighbours. I'm praying that I can continue to be a blessing to those in our street, not just when they move in.

Mass Production

This thing called mass production is really the best. I love it. I did it a bit last year when I made these birthday shorts (see?) and I got some cool new material recently so thought I'd make a few more. It's kind of handy knowing everyone has boys, because you really can just make a whole stack of boy shorts and then you are covered for the next six months or so of birthdays. Handy.

I did make five of them this time too (same pattern as last time, the Sycamore Shorts) but forgot to photo them until I'd given three away. Slightly silly, and when I went to photo them, it was a grey rainy day and the only place dry with good light was the front steps. Oh well.

Two pairs went to my sister's friend Jane in Melbourne who is having a little boy soon. One went to my nephew Harrison for his birthday this Thursday (spoilers). One more (the groovy ones with the blue pockets pictured here) went to Digby, my new friend Megan's little boy who will be one the same time as Rachel (spoilers again), and the last pair will go next door when they have their new bub in the next few weeks.

It's rather amazing how fast things go. Anyway, I am so loving the Izzy Top that I made for Sophie last year (see it on a hanger here, and on the child here). So I made another one for her (size 3, getting ready for next year). While I was at it, I made another two. One for one of the girls next door (Isla's birthday in May (spoilers!)) and one for my new friend Megan's little girl who will be three in July (more spoilers!).

What I love about these is the reversibility and the cool scalloped stitching I did on Isla's. So fun!

In Advance

Not only did I get to start looking after my nephew full time today, but Steve also nicked off to Sydney for three days for a developers summit. In advance, on the weekend, I thought I'd make some big meals to help with the single-parent juggling I'd be doing. I also took the opportunity to hide loads of veggies in too.

One big risotto and a stack of mini lasagne's later, and it was done. Totally worth it.

On the topic of food, last week I did something I never thought I'd do, and made the girls faces for lunch. They are very nutritious, if somewhat grotesque. It was my impression that Sophie would simply play with the food, rather than eat it, but to my surprise, both girls ate most of it, and Rachel was mad about the corn. Win!

Yikes!

Well, after a week and a half away at the coast, a great Easter at home with all sorts of peeps and Steve finally returning to work on Tuesday, I'm actually feeling well and refreshed. Despite the fact that Sophie is in the process of giving up her naps (something I thought I would be much sadder about (My free time!! Nooooo!!!)) I'm still feeling like I'm getting things done. The house is clean and organised (ish), the things I have to sew are few and I even feel like playing piano and guitar with the girls.

So I thought I'd update you on my life, because that's why I've got a blog after all. Steve and I finished the window operation on Easter Sunday. The house is now finally completely fly screened, and all of the windows open and close as they should (except the far one in the kitchen which takes some encouragement, but that's ok). I made a cake on Easter Monday and it was really good to see flies buzzing at the window trying in vain to gain entry to the house and my delicious cake.

Take that flies. This cake is the second one I made in three days. So lovely to have Steve around to go have morning tea with friends. Any excuse to make cake really.

Easter was really great this year. I feel like it's so easy to be in a rut of apathy and disappointment with a relationship with God, and it's unbelievably hard to break out of. But Easter is a great reminder of God. Everything about him. He's all about the new, the good, the real. He doesn't want us to dwell on the crap, the bad stuff, the sin. He wants us to move on to the new life. So great.

I read Anne of Green Gables last week. I love reading things. It was a really sweet, if somewhat old fashioned, read. It's strange to think that it was written over a hundred years ago and yet is still readable and fun.

There is only a week left before I increase from two children in my care to three (it's kind of like having a baby without the nine months and excruciating labour to have to go through). I'm excited, though I know there will be an adjustment period. And I'll really be saying goodbye to my Me-Time then.

I feel I'm in a good place for it though. Trying to be realistic about the fact that I'll simply be sewing much much less. And probably doing everything else much much less too, and doing much more of child raising. Time to get organised with meal planning too so that I don't end up feeding my girls noodles for dinner five nights of the week.

I'm feeling like writing again too which is exciting. And getting some other stories ready to be published mid-year too. Writing is fun.

Anyway, not sure when I'll be updating this blog now, with the busy times ahead. but hopefully I'll drop in every now and then. Thanks everyone for reading along.

Sewing Too Far

Even as I type this, more than a week after the event, I still can't believe I did it. I sewed nappies for Sophie's doll. Sigh. It really seems like I went too far. Has it really come to this? Doll nappies?? It has, but not because of me, but rather, because of Sophie.

Children really do have a holistic approach to their toys. They want them to be fed, and clean and have places to sleep and clothes to wear. I thought mum had gone overboard with the amount of dolls clothes she made for Sophie's dolls. but it seems there was further to go.

For the last few weeks, Sophie has been using Rachel's cloth nappies to "change Doll's nappy". Cute and all, but hardly practical. I was hoping it was a phase, (maybe it is, but it's a long enough lasting one that it was worth what came next,) but alas, no. And so I've made cloth nappies for Doll.

They are really cute. A good use of scrap material.

And rather professionally made (if I do say so myself.)

But I just can't get past the fact that I sewed them. And a reusable wipes pack from the left over felt. It just seems too far.

Oh well.

Train Rides

Even though she's a little girl, my Sophie loves trains. We went and saw Thomas the Tank Engine earlier this year which was such fun, but as she's gotten older, she's grown to appreciate them more and more, and also get more and more excitement out of seeing them.

Last Tuesday we dropped Steve's Dad off at Roma St to get the train back to Bundy, and Sophie saw the big diesel train come in. We've dropped people off there before, but never have we gotten such a reaction. Even just being at the Train Station was a delight for her.

So on Wednesday, instead of driving into the city to pick up Steve, we parked at a train station and caught the train in. We had afternoon tea on the platform at Central just watching the trains arrive and depart. Even though we were there for twenty minutes, I reckon Sophie could have sat for another hour easily.

It was worth the heat and hassle to see both of my girls enjoy the new adventure of trains. Did you notice Sophie is wearing her Thomas shirt for the event? Got to be wearing a Train Shirt when seeing Trains.

Pi Day

Last Saturday was Pi Day. So we celebrated with pie.

Mega Bento

This is a quick one on the Bento the girls had last Friday when I took them to "Mum's Old Work" for a Japanese festival. I was overly prepared with extra snacks just in case. Not pictured here are the squeezie yoghurt, rice crackers, sultanas and small box of plain crackers that live in my bag "just in case". They didn't eat everything, but gave it a good attempt. What wasn't eaten at lunch, was served up for dinner. :)

I feel people must be getting a bit tired of lunch box posts, but they look so shiny when they are all made that I can't resist sharing them.

It's Alive: Busy Book of the Year!

At last, the day has come where I can say that I'm finished! Get ready for a mammoth post about sewing something, because the thing I've been working away on for I've no idea how long, has come to completion. I would say that I probably spent less time on it overall than I did with the Picnic Activity Mats of last year, but I was making three of those at once. I think this has been in my head for at least six months. Everything has it's own time right? And the time is now!

Before I continue, I must give credit to whoever it is that blogs over at Forty-Two Roads. I saw this marvellous book on the Internet somewhere (pintrest or google or whatever) and it was really the starting point for my own book. No people, I don't think of these things all on my own. As one of my teaching prac teachers said once; "If someone else has made the worksheet, don't reinvent the wheel." Wise words.

Here is what it looked like on the floor as a work-in-progress. In short, it's an enormous cloth book that focuses on the fine motor skills needed to dress oneself properly in the morning. Doing up buttons, zips, buckles, etc, are just some of the amazing features. For added sentimentality and recycling purposes, each page is made out of firstly scrap fabric from my stash, and also old kids clothes, either from Sophie, or in the rare case or two, from the op-shop.

The cover was simply some green fabric I had in the stash that I quilted onto a piece of calico for strength. The inner cover is a remnant that I picked up on the cheap a while back. I did dream that it would one day make the skirt of a fun dress, but it fit perfectly, so I used it here. The words are embroidered onto a separate piece of fabric that was then bound and sewn on the front (slightly off centre I'm afraid). And I put the handle on before the book was finished being bound too, so it's slightly off as well, but I'm really thankful for it, given how huge the book turned out.

Page one is a dress that mum and dad bought Sophie from Thailand (I think) which she wore for a while, but was ridiculously short on her. The cute collar and scalloping on the buttons meant it was perfect to keep. The backing material is just from the stash.

Page two focuses on belt buckles on the skirt. The skirt itself is actually just material that I used to make Sophie's first Easter dress (not the actual dress) that originally came from some paediatric nurse scrubs from the US. The belt buckles I got off a pair of $4 shorts I picked up at Lifeline, and then I used some scrap material from a shirt I made for Sophie to put it all together. The backing material was from Sophie's Tent, though I also used it to make a shoulder bag. I've still got some left, so who knows what it will become next.

Page three is overall clips. I did have to get these overalls from Lifeline too, because baby overalls don't actually have overall clips. They have buttons (see here for an example). Which is all well and good, but I wanted overall clips, so to Lifeline I went. These were a size 4 that I cut down a bit. This was also the chunkiest page because I wanted the side buttons and pockets to still function as per usual. The backing material is from my stash, which I've actually used before to make a quilt, but apparently never took photos of. Strange.

Page four is snaps, using one of the girls old onsies. I know that more grown up clothes don't really have snaps, but I thought they'd be good practice anyway. The backing material was orginally from Rachel's quilt, which I've also used in the Duplo Bag.

This is a great chance to stop and tell you that I also did my best to sew the clothes in with as much usability as possible. You heard about it on the overalls page (with the pockets and buttons), but here on the onsie page, I've sewn only the back half of the outfit, so you can technically still wear it (though you'd also have the book attached to you...). Here is a photo of Bear wearing the onsie while Doll wears the jeans on the opposite page.

Page five is jeans. Again a pair of Sophie's that she wore to death and my mum patched a few times for her. This has a tiny zip and a button. The backing material is the same as page two.

Page six has Sophie's first Christmas Dress, which has a bow to tie as well as top ties on the shoulders. Lots of tying. Very sentimental and pretty. Backing material is the same as pages two and five.

Page seven, coming to the end, is shoes, teaching about velcro and laces. The pink shoes were from Steve's mum for Sophie (that she actually never wore) and were pretty easy to sew in. The other shoe is one of my old ones that I cut up and sewed in, much the same as Steve's old shoe which made it into the last Busy Book. Backing material again from the stash. I think it was another remnant that I got on the cheap.

The final page, page eight, is all about doing up hair. This was probably the trickiest page to put together, despite not needing to sew on bulky clothes. The material was all leftover scraps from dresses the girls have. The girl on the page originally looked bald at the front, and I am not sure you can really see the arm holding the mirror, but oh well. You get the point. Practice plaiting the hair and putting hair clips in. Easy enough. Backing material is the same as page three.

All of the pages were a medium weigh material, that I thought I should reinforce, so I sewed some other medium weight material on the backs of each page before I started anything else (it was kind of quilting practice and also kind of "use as many cool stitches on Sally as I can" practice). In hindsight, this was overkill. The book is now not only enormous (because of the size of the clothes), but it's also heavy. Very heavy. Thankfully, I had the foresight to put on that handle. But I also imagine it will mostly be played with at home. On the floor.

Sally the Sewing Machine did a colossal job getting though all of the thick layers, but in the end (just as I sewed the, rather thin in comparison, inside lining together, she started making strange noises. She's now at the shop getting a service. I did some hand sewing (the pages into the spine, very tricky because it was so thick) and then took the thing pinned and ready to go to mum's to finish the edge on Harriet the Husqvana.

The thing that I love most about this book is that I thought and thought for ages and ages about how to sew the pages together so that there would be no exposed seams and everything would be beautiful and evenly spaced. I had a brainwave about how to do it one night and it worked. Yes! There are things I'd do slightly differently (it's all about refining the process), but in the end, my crazy idea worked and that's what counts.

Thanks for reading this far! Feel free to comment and tell me that my hard work has not been wasted on a two year old who did actually want to help sew the pages in, or the eight month old who crawled all over my work as I was trying to photograph it.