Love Wins

This post has been hard to write, but I am convicted to get it out. God is teaching me, now more than ever. I am pretty convinced that a lot of my teaching has to do with the fact that I am now a parent. Not to say that God isn't or can't teach people who aren't parents, but it has certainly given me a new perspective and understanding of late. Let me share.

"The Lord observed the extent of human wickedness on the earth, and he saw that everything they thought or imagined was consistently and totally evil. So the Lord was sorry he had ever made them and put them on the earth. It broke his heart." Genesis 6:5&6

Never before had this passage from Genesis ever resonated with me, as much as it did the morning, when my daughter had an absolute shocker of a melt down. It was right after swimming, I had all four children that I usually look after, and all of a sudden, for absolutely no apparent reason (and we still don't know the reason), there it was: a full blown kicking, screaming, scratching, biting, hitting tantrum.

The worst things she could think of to say (with her vocabulary), were said. It's weird to say that I'm glad it was all directed at me, because I was so emotionally, spiritually and physically hurt by it all, but I'm glad none of her anger was aimed at the other kids. 

It was awful. Simply awful. Even now, two weeks on, I'm saddened by the memory. It took her nearly and hour and a half to calm down enough to talk to me.

In the pain of watching all of this unfold, I had a moment where I regretted having children. Gosh that's hard to write and please don't stop reading, because there is so much more. Suddenly, the verse from Genesis 6 came into my mind.

"The Lord regretted making humans. It broke his heart."

And I knew that feeling. I knew what it was to watch someone I love unquestionably, turn and become a monster, and do all they could to hurt me in every way they could think of. I had a glimpse of what it was like for God, that his heart would break at what his people had become. My heart was broken to watch my little girl act so destructively and hatefully towards me, when all I want for her is only the best.

I sat on the swing in the playground with the other children waiting for the tantrum to subside and I wondered what to do. Was I the worst mother in the world to have regretted my children? But even as I thought it, I knew that every parent would have a moment like this, even as God did when he saw his creation in Genesis.

What would I do? I would do what God did. I would look again. I would remind myself that no matter what happens, I am committed to love these children, to fight for them, to teach them, to want the best for them. I want to see the potential they have for love, kindness, generosity and compassion and continue to help these things to grow in them.

At the end of the day: love wins.

Sure, without children I might have had more time to share the gospel with people, more resources to support others in mission work, or go on mission my self, but with these children, God is changing my heart to remind me that love wins. Love won for God, and the story didn't end in Genesis 6 with a sudden flood that finished the world. Love won, and the story keeps going to Jesus. Love won, and the story keeps going for me too.

If you are in the midst of wondering if there is anything good, please know that love wins. God is totally committed to us, to his people, to see us become the amazing compassionate kind and loving people he made us to be. He is committed in a way that I can only glimpse when I look at my own daughters. God is good. Love wins.