I'm alone in the universe. So alone in the universe.

Today I had some ladies that I did antenatal classes with over for afternoon tea (not my idea, but I figured if it was going to go ahead, I'd rather be somewhere comfortable that had a change table readily available). Only three of the ladies came with their bubs; a three month, an eight week and a six week. Everything was ready, afternoon tea (carrot sticks and cream cheese, grapes and shortbread), floor swept and play mats out.

Sophie was the only one to use a play mat. The other mothers held their babies the entire time (the six week old had only had his immunizations today and has bad reflux and slept for only two hours last night, so I can kinda see that, but the others...). Even if their kids fell asleep. And they all sat, even if it meant awkwardly rocking while sitting in a non-rocking chair. We talked about babies. How long they are sleeping, what feeding is like, how their dads are with them etc. They stayed for two hours and didn't eat a thing.

I tried to start other conversations. "What are you doing in the idle hours?"; "I've been doing a fair bit of sewing..." etc. In vain. These other mums apparently don't have any time to do things. They said that if they have an hour or two it's spent cleaning the house (dishes, dishes, dishes). Or they just don't do other things.

What is wrong with me? I felt like the strangest person there. With my content daughter on her mat and my clean house and my sewing projects on the go - I was an alien who had landed in the middle of these apparently normal mothers. Where are the mothers like me? Are they somewhere out there? Or am I destined to feel like I don't belong for the rest of my mothering days?

Some days I toy with the idea of finding a mothers group. Then I think of experiences just like this one and feel I'd be safer at home where no one can make me feel like the outsider (albeit unintentionally).