"Cos i'm fine,
Living on the back streets
Holding on to all that's mine
Hope just hasn't yet arrived
For me"

Woah... so i'm at uni... waiting for 11 o'clock to come so i can be in class and i'm listening to the classic sounds of radioy and wondering if Steve is going to order the cool shirt i want from thinkgeek.com. :) "To all th rest who have a mother and father..."

Kelly emailed me today and asked me if i don't believe in evoloution if i had another theory as to how the earth got here. I told her i had no idea (pretty much) how it happened, but i know why it happened. :) isn't that all that matters? I wonder why humans are obsessed with putting blocks in the way of things when all we really need to know is why:

Becuase God Loves us!! (it's the reason for everything - almost like 42 is the answer for everythign... except different :D)

I was reading the Screwtape Letters last night (by C.S. Lewis) and Screwtape mentioins to wormwood that "The Enemy" (aka God) wants servents who become Son's while their "Father" (aka Satan) wantss slaves. Intersting contrast

He also said that the angels told him that if they understood that the reason God did things was beucase of Love - the war between heaven and hell would end. so true. Cool as. Liked that book i did. :)

Anyway... i guess i should go and figure out how to change the language setting in word back to enlgish (how it got set to spanish is beyond me :P) so i can check my Latin American Music assignmetn and print it and what not... Bye!

Just becuase we need some Activity in the Blogosphere!!


1. What's my mood like right now? It's a "Wonderful Day" (by the Lads)

2. How's tomorrow going to be for me? I only have "26 Letters" (by Ben Glover) to discribe it and it's not going to suffice because i don't know yet :P

3. What kind of person am I? One who looks to "These Thousand Hills" (by Third Day) for everything she needs.

4. Am I loved? So much i can dance "El Tango de Roxanne" (from Moulin Rouge)

5. How can I achieve my highest potential? By knowing I am God's "My Funny Valintine" (by Frank Sinatra).

6. What should I do with my life? Only dream of living it as one of the "Pirates who Don't do Anything" (By Veggietales) ;)

7. What is my theme song? I'll never find "Love on the Radio" (by Alabaster Box) (does this mean i should give up my music dream??)

8. What is my best quality? That I did "Feel the Mountians Tremble" (By Hillsongs Worship).

9. How does my sex life look? "Visions" (by Magnify) - It's all about God's wonder which is so great stupid things like sex life don't matter at all :)

10. What's the meaning of life? To ask "Lord, Make it Rain" (by The Ferrett BandTM) and keep walking through :P

11. How do people see me? With something that's "Worth it All" (By Unknown) to live for.

12. Would I make a good catch? absoloutly - for the "Da Funkhaters" (by Elememtry Penguin)

13. How crazy am I? Enough to praise God in my "Shakles" (By Mary Mary)

14. Will I have a good life in general? If i keep my "Thoughts of You" (By BarlowGirl) there is no doubting it :)


15. Can (insert name here) ever really love me? Not if they only look at my "Clothes" (by BarlowGirl) :P

16. Can (insert name here) and I ever be more than friends? Only if they ask "Is you is, or is you Ain't My Baby?" (From some Musical) will they ever know :P (been there done that :P)

17. What's going to happen to me this week? I'll be "Holding on to You" (by Paul Colman) Lord, with all that i have!

18. Where will I be in a year? Whereever "You Led Me" (by BarlowGirl) Lord!

19. What is my biggest wish? For the "Sweet River" (by Paul Colman) of God's grace to continually wash me clean so i can be with Him forever.

20. What is the love of my life doing at this very moment? Doesn't it matter, because i know "I've got You" (by The Lads) :)

21. How will I die? knowing "i was there" (by Nathan Tasker)

22. What will happen after I die? I will be with the "King of Glory" (by Third Day)!! :D

23. How do my friends feel about me? That i was "Reborn" (by Rebecca St James) and i'm much the better for it! :D

24. Do people secretly lust after me? hahaha, becuase that's my "Favourite Time" (by the Lads) of the day :P NOT!

Old School Lads lyrics:

"I am alone in the darkness
can you hear me now?
Are you the same
or are you different somehow?
Can you love me?

Do you know my name?
When the tears fall
are you there to feel the pain?
Can you reach me here?
Can you give me what i'm looking for,
will you take away the fear?
Can i trust you?"

The Lads

"We are fishes of men, not keepers of the aquarium."

This is apparently something some one said heaps at the Hillsongs conference. The speaker, Dave Inkleman (don't quote that spelling) at SNL this sunday quoted it. :) He talked about how we are the body of Christ. Something which really stuck out was that the Chruch is not acutally a building. We, the people who meet to praise God, are the church. And it dosen't matter if the building is fallingn apart or big and well equipt for sound, it matters taht the seats inside are full of people.

A beautiful church building that is empty is not a church at all.


Further Notes:

Christ's mission was to seak and save sinners, we as the Christ's body, the people who make up the church have the same mission as Christ: to seak sinners and have Jesus/God/HS to do the saving. Our focus therefore should be outwardly focused: the church building is simply a tool to help us bring people to Christ.

We as the the body of Christ have the responsibility of sewing the seeds. This means that we have to fertlize, weed, and water --> get dirty!! God is responsible for the mirical of growth, and then we, or someone else has the joy of the harvest.

Salt is useless if it is still in the salt shaker and once it is added to something it can't be taken back out!

The church is the only orginisation in the world that exists for the benifit of it's non members... or is it "the churhc is the only orginisation in the world that should exist for the benifit of it's non members"?

"How great is our God
Sing with me
How great is our God,
And all will see
How great,
How great is our God...."

Last night at Amy's church's first youth service, they talked about who Jesus was. It's amazing sometimes that such simple truths can really be good to remember. Jesus came and lived the life of a man, but his one life has affected the lives of so many people more than anyone else. He is so extreeme that it comes down to 3 things - he is either a liar, a lunitic or a Lord. He has claims that are so amazing that you can't walk away undecided. Either you are for him or against him.

Nobody knew His secret ambition
Nobody knew His claim to fame
He broke the old rules steeped in tradition
He tore the Holy Veil away
Questioning those in powerful position
Running to those who called His name
(But) Nobody knew His secret ambition
Was to give His life away

He is most amazing, no body knew just how amazing untill he died and even today, i am continually blown away by how great my God is.

After reading Hoesa with Steve recently, and coming on a verses that said "it will be a terrible day when i turn away and leave you alone" (Hosea 9:1２b) and "God will reject the people of Israel..." (Hosea 9:17a) which sorta seemed to contridict things like "And i will be with you, even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:20b) and "as I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Joshua 1:5b) I came up with this "House Analogy" to try to explain what i think is going on.


Imagine you have a house. It's got four walls and doors and windows. One day, you are in your house, trying to make it beautiful so everyone can see how pretty it is, when there is a knock at the door. You open it and It's God who says to you, "You are doing an alright job decorating here, but i've got some ideas that will make your decorations shine so brightly every one will want to see them. Some people may even be so jelous that they want to knock down your house, but it will be beautiful and I will have seen it."

You think about this and agree - you need help decorating your house, you were too short to dust down the cobwebs in the corners and there were somethings that just weren't sticking like they were supposed to. So you let God in. Life is great, it's hard work but the walls are stripped bare and sanded back untill you see the beauty that was underneath the gaudy wall paper. Sometimes the negibours come by, some of them are amazed by the work God is doing in your house and ask him to come into theirs. Others don't think it's so good and go out to buy more wall paper to cover up the natural beauty.

One day you look out the window as you are sanding with God, and you see the next door people have roses in their living room. They look very pretty and you begin to wonder what it would be like if you had thoes roses in your living room. God sees you looking at them. "Be careful," he warns, "The roses may look pretty, but there are thorns underneath that will cut and cause you pain. I will always be here for you, but don't try to take what isn't yours." [Genisis 4:7b and Joshua 1:5b]

A part of you listens to what God says; he's probabaly right - look at what he has done to your house so far! Surley he knows when something just won't go in the room. But a part of you looks back out the window and sees the roses again, looking beautiful.

That night, you sneak over to your neighbours house and take the roses from his living room and put them in yours.

In the morning God sees your hands and knows what you have done. The roses, which were so beautiful, had the thorns that have cut your hands. You have been scared. God shakes his head and says "You have invited someone else into this house, and though i love you, I can't stay here while you try to serve two masters." [Matthew 6:24] With that, God puts down the brush he was going to use to help you lacker your walls to make them strong and leaves your house.

He dosen't go far, just outside the door. He dosen't want to leave you, but he can't stay while you try to decorate your house without consoulting him, and listening to his advice.

For a while, you tell yourself you don't need God's advice on how to make your house beautiful. You were a good decorater before he came along. So you start to put things back on the walls and cover the beauty that God had discovered. But soon, you realise you want your decorator back. You can't seem to make things shine the way that he did, and it's not fun trying to re-decorate a whole house by yourself; it was alot more fun with God beside you.

So you open the door and ask God back inside. It's the hardest thing you have ever had to do, but God doesn't say anything mean, or even laugh and say "i told you so". [malichi 3:7b] He comes back inside with some bandages and cleans your hands that were scared and cut by the roses and the crime you committed and wraps them up. He goes with you as you take the rose plant's back to your neighbours house with an apology and a repentant heart.

And then together, you come back to your house and start once again to clean out what doesn't belong, and let the natural beauty shine through.


In Hoesa, the people of Israel had been ignoring God for a long time. They had been worshiping other things and trying to decorate their houses with out God's help. God was sad, but he was also frustrated. He was pulling out his hair becuase he loved his people so much, and they just didn't get it. He would have loved to stay with them, but when sin is invited in, God jsut can't stay around. He never goes far and he is always ready to come back when you ask, but sin and God just don't mix.

Whatever has happened in your life, whatever you have invited in to help you decorate, God is only just outside the door, waiting for you to open it so he can come in and heal your wounds.

If mankind minus one were of one opinion, then mankind is no more justified in silencing the one than the one - if he had the power - would be justified in silencing mankind.
- John Stuart Mill

The cure for writer's cramp is writer's block.
- Inigo DeLeon

Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.
- Leo Rosten

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be


I think right now i feel like listening to my angry music...

Sunday Nite Live Notes

Saints have a terrible past, sinners have a brilliant future.

i came into the world an individual, i will not die a copy!

Christs Soilders:
1. we are not in charge
- don't judge by the harvest you reap, but by the seads you plant
- build an oasis in the swamp
2. never wrestle with the darkness, outshine it with light
3. Train like a soilder
- read the bible ---- DAILY
- pray --- DAILY

If you know how to love, you know God, God is not an exclusive
treasure, he is as available as air to all of us!!

It's not weather or not Jesus loves you - cos he does - it's weather
or not you love Jesus

Jesus love is unconditional
Entry to heaven (salvation) is condintional

*sigh* after going to the trivia night last night at the Pig and Wistle, and finding the announcer guy one of the most anoying people i have met, I am serverly a) reprimanded and b) challanged to remember that although i may find some people's traits anoying, they are still just as valuable to God as me. This means that even if i am really ticked off by them, i need to try to keep my feelings inside - give them to God - rather than voice them. :( my bad. I guess there will always be things to work on, no matter how hard i try. Thanks for helping me Jesus

Listening to Rebecca St James "I need you" has just made me think "How hard is it for so many people in this world to say that?"

I think one of the major reasons people today don't associate with a religion or want to be come a Chrisitian is beacuse they don't want to admit their inability to save themselves. Today's society continually paints a picture that says we need to be self reliant; that asking any one for help is out of the question and if you do, you will be laughed at for being ignorant. It is hard to ask for help, from anyone. It is hard to ask for help from some one you can't even see.

For Christians to openly admit that they asked for help, and admitted that as humans, they couldn't make it alone; that they needed Jesus, is something i believe makes people think again. The initial reaction from the majority would be scorn, but from others, and often underneath the scorn, they wonder "why are they happy asking for help?"

I know i can't make it on my own, I need Jesus. And i'm happy knowing i can't make it on my own. That makes people turn around and think "could there be a better way?"

I think today i need to remember how much I need Jesus to save me, and how great it is that i can sacrifice my human pride enough to say that.

Sunday night Live - Things to remember

God uses me NOW - not when i think i'm qulified enough

I am a rescued person. The person who rescued me, taught me how to do it - now it's my job to help rescue others!!

The Student Life Update


The Mid Year Conference was held at the Queensland State Government campsite at Currimundi from the 7th to the 12th of July. Students from Universities from all over Queensland came, the majority from the University of Queensland (UQ) and Queensland University of Technology (QUT). Around 10 students came from universities in Towoomba, 2 from Gatton and 8 from Griffith. It was only when i got to camp, that i realised that one of the goals that i had set at the begining of the year, to have five people from my campus on the Mid Year Conference, had been reached. Including me, six people from the Nathan campus of Griffith attended the conference. Praise God for answered prayer!!

During the conference, we did numerous things, such as worship, prayer, free time, soccer, games nights, walks on the beach, quiet time with God. Each day was started with optional prayer (for the early risers) and then breakfast. After breakfast we had a time of worship, with a great team lead by the UQ missionary Bill on guitar. After this, we listened to our key speaker. This year, Keith Farmer spoke to us on Jesus answer to the most important comandment; "Love the lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength." Having studied for many years in the seminary, Keith's talks were very
thought provoking.

We continued after this with discussion and then quiet time before morning tea. For the 2 hours before lunch each day, we had training, where we were taught about living the Christian life, what it means to be a Christian and also we were trained in how to share the good news of the Gospel. The trainings were very helpful and practical. As i had done the first 3 trainings, I was trained in personal discipleships. When people become Christians, often they have no church back ground or support to help them grow in their new life with Christ. In Student life, when we bring someone to Christ, we ensure they are "Discipled", which means they have someone more mature in Christ that they can meet with once or twice a week to catch up with, answer their questions and also be accountable to. This week, the training i did to become a Disipler was very eye opening and made me so thankful for the wonderful support that i have from St Matts as a Christian.

In the afternoon we had a changing program, most afternoons we had 2 hours of free time, but we also had relationship seminars, campus time, and elective seminars to choose from, on a range to topics, such as Chrisitianity and Evoloution, Conflict Resoloution, Answering Tough Questions and how to Finish for Christ. After dinner each day we had night activities, worship, games, prayer and worship and summer project seminars respectivily.

The final night of the conference was the Commisioning Supper. It was a dress up night and we all came as someone from the last Supper. As we ate, served by the missionaries, each table worked together as a team to compleate fun puzzels. It was a great night, which ended in us praying for God to guide us as we went out on to our campuses next semester.

I couldn't believe it when it was all over, it was so wonderful to meet up with old friends as well as make new ones, and then to have to leave them again was sad. It will be a challange to go on to campus next semester with out the people who were such a great support this week with me, but with the continual prayer support that we give one another, as well as from our churches, God has nothing to do but to hear our prayer and build up a movement for him on campus.

I look forward to talking with everyone about this more and sharing my experinces. Thank you again for all the prayer support! God is so wonderful that he gave us such a great way to talk to him all the time!


More for the bloggers

I caught up with Norm when i was at MYC and for thoes who don't know, he is someone i met in Feb and again in March at Connextions. He is 75 years old, and has been with campus cursade (student life world wide) for over 25 years. he has only been working on campus in Aus for 2 years. When i saw him in Feb, he gave a talk about "how to be a lifer" which was all about finishing for Jesus. For me, that was so special becuase it's soemthing i want to do. I don't want my life to fade and be caught by this world, i want to be a Lifer for Jesus. Seeing Norm again, reminded me the importance of quiet time for developing my realtionship with God, and making sure i don't forget that he is the first and most important thing in my life.

Another thing that struck me was Keith talking about being a radical, counter cultural christians in today's society. He said that God loves us compleatly, and if we learn to love him back with our heart, soul, mind and strength, then we can learn to love others around us in the same way and then they will learn (hopefully) to love us and God as well. This kind of love is so radical in today's society so that if we love people in that way, we can't help but make a change.

That's the coolest thing i can ever imagine; to be changed by God so much that people look and say "I want Jesus".

Other cool moments of the week included meeitng people from towoomba and finding out they are friends with Sarah. (hye Mancy!!) playing soccar/hacky sack with a soccar ball/volleyball with the soccar ball with the guys (nathan the dag, stephen, arron, sam (happy birthday!), patrick, Uncle John, soccar girl (sorry i foget your name) and the bryan boy (little dude), Playing the soccar match with 3 balls and winning for the LINC/UQ/USQ team as well as the regular soccar match (yeah! we won the silver boot!!), Seeing God challange me to step up to discipling with meeting Kelly and finally seeing God use me and other LINC people in the prayer night to really connect people to God.

Wade, Ron and Steve looked stunning in their disciples outfitis on the last night - hope to get the photos developed asap! :D

I got an email yesterday asking if i wanted to sing in the MYC band. I said no. And once i had done that i started to reconsider my decision. Why did i say no? *sigh* i guess the inner Introvert i appear to have living inside me once again surfaced and decided i would be so much safer and happier if i stayed in the shadows instead of taking the chance.

I'd say that there is probabaly an inner Introvert in everyone... even thoes strange extreem Extroverts.

Maybe it's there to balance things out...

Hello All, I'm back from New Zealand, and just becuase i sorta want to remember what happened, i'm going to type it here. :)

We got to New Zealand on the 24th of June, it was a beautiful day. I couldn't believe that it wasn't raining. We flew Emirates. which is an arab air line, but they had the most international crew i have ever seen. It was super cool. Also, they have this "award winning" entertainment system, which means that even in econemy, everyone had their own tv in the back of the chair in front. It was cool :) On the way over i watched "Last Holiday" which was really good. I liked it. :) Dad and i had fun playing with the touch screans while mum watched hehehehe.

Ross picked us up from the airport (sarah declared her snake skin shoes as we went through customs :P) and we went back to the Bailies. It is alwasy good to see thoes guys. I had a tea, and most other people had a coffee, but we sat around the table having a good old chat. We had hotdogs for dinner and then we got ready for the party. It was Ross's 50th birthday, but it was a fairly small thing. about 35 people, mostly close family friends and family. It was pretty fun though. Sarah and I were in action taking around plates of food and stuff - mum's training never fails :P - but we had a good night talking to the boys (Carl, Greg and Scott) and their friends Tim, Courtney and ... that gril... C... something. Meh... at around 10:30 we got sick of eating loads of food so we went out of the room they had it in and into the main hall place, and had a good time playing piano and what not. then I taught Greg and Scott and the girl to do some Modern Jive... ehhehe it was very cool. then we all sat around playing cards untill midnight. :)

Got home, and went to bed. I was a bit cold to start with, but otheriwse it was a good sleep. Sarah and i were sharing Carls room, or what will be Carls room eventually. They are still renovating their home... it's been going on for over 10 years i realsied, becuase i can remember in 1996 it only being half done. It's the most compleate i have ever seen, but the bathroom still needs finishing and then carls room... yeah long story.

Anyway, Sunday... we all slept in and then had left over food from the night befor efor breakfast, :) by the time everyone was ready, it was 11:00 and we were going shopping. We went to Dress Smart first, I got a cool levies Jacket and a pair of jeans. I had been physcing myself up for this, i mean, 5 days in New Zealand iwht my family- there has to be shopping. And besides, i could really use a pair of jeans that fit.... :) Anyway it was pretty Good, Carl and Scott and I had a lapse where we were judging other shoppers but otherwise it was ok, after shopping there for ages, we went to St Lukes which was another mall, but with more than just clothes shops :P we ate lunch there (yum, karage!!) and then did some mroe shopping. I saw some cool boots, but they didnt fit... meh. When we met back up, Ross said he was goign to go back and get this box set of Tin Tin episiodes. I was like... all the episiodes?? Man i want that!! They were on sale for only 50$ so bargin!! yeah for me!! :D:D

When we got back home we did some hanging out and ate chicken stuff and styed up watching Troy on TV and then realised the boys had to go to school (well Greg and Scott anyway) and went to bed.

Monday morning, i slept in and didn't get up untill about 10 when everyone else had goen to school and work and what not. After breafkst, we bused into the city and did some shopping. I went around with sarah who is this insane shopamaniac!! I got another pair of cool as jeans and a nice top from Glassons (sarah bought about 10 things, dispite the fact that she had been in the same store the day before.... 8-) ) we had lunch at Smith and Caughes (which is like the NZ verion of David Jones) and then did a bit more shopping (picked up a great pair of boots for 29$) and caught a bus home. Sarah wanted to stay in the City, but were were going out to dinner with Pauliene and Earnest (other NZ friends) and had to go home and get changed. :)

Got home, got changed, went back to the city for dinner. Chinese, Very yum. :) we were sitting down though, and they took away the chopsticks - clearly thinking we were forginers and wanted forks :P i was devastated!! so i asked them for 2 chopsticks - one set for me and one for sarah, and they only came back with one set - and gave them to sarah!! :P eventually i got a set and it was ok :) Ernest dropped us home which was good. The Bailes only live across the harbour bridge which connects the north shore of the bay to Auckland City. It's really close and has a great view of the city as you come across the bridge.

Tuesday we went back to the city and did more shopping, Sarah is insane. I went up the Sky tower (mum dad adn sarah had done it last year) and got a great view of auckland. the weather was just beautiful. I got too cool as dresses for Dancing. they look really good. :) I'm satisfied ehehheeh. After that we walked down to the other end of town and picked up a car and drove back home. Tuesday night we stayed up so late with the Bailies. Sarah straighted Gregs hair, and then he went to soccar which just made it curly again. hehehe. Ross opened the bottle of Moet he got for his birtday (v. expesive champane) and we sat aroudn teh table ( i drank vodka and orange :)) drinking it. :P We ordered gormet pizzas from the place where Greg works, they were super nice. One had chicken and cambert on it... yum!! afterwards, i sat in Gregs room listening to the musical songs he's going to sing in this thing he's got coming up. It was alot of fun. He introduced me to this cool song called "Big Ass Rock" from the full monty muscial. hehehe After that we went out and sat in the lounge room with everyone else. It was like 11:30... but we sat up for ages talking. Then we took "the couch photo" with a pillow where fiona would have been. *ahhh* the couch photo - good times good times.

Wednesday i got up early to say good bye to Ross and Colleen befoer they went to work and Greg and Soctt before they went to school. Carl was sleeping :P then we packed up and got in the car and drove away. We went down town Auckland and found "the Tin Tin Shop' hehehe which was cool. I got a shirt and a long sleave thing too. fun stuff. :) then we did some more shopping - or rather i followed sarah around as she tried to get even mroe stuff before we left :P

When that finally eneded, we got in the car and headed back to the airport. The line was huge, the flight was obviously packed, but when we got up to check in, the girl said "oh you aren't sitting togehter" and then looks thought ful and decideds to up grade us...!!!! it was great!! we flew business class back to Aus. It was cool as, so much leg room and the food was so much better than econemye - too bad flying makes me sick :P We got in early and Fiona picked us up from the airport.

It was cool. Sarah, Fiona and I all sat up watching Mr and Mrs Smith - which fiona recently bought hehehe and went to bed about midnight. Mum and dad woke up about 6:30 this morning :P

Today, Scott, Carl and I all discovered the differences between real shoppers and the pretend shoppers.

While spending 4 hours shopping, we gathered numerous observations of our fellow shoppers. To distinguish a real shopper, one must always start with the feet. If the female shopper is wearing heals of almost any kind, or points, they are clearly a serious shopper. if the person has stylish flats, also it is posisble they are serioius, if they are wearing joggers - definatly they are not serious shoppers, they are just pretending.

In female shopers, the layering factor of their clothes is also a tell tale sign, with layers indicates a SS (serious shopper) and with out, a PS (pretend shopper). One must be careful not to be put off by someone with one stylish accesory, for a serious shopper, all criteria msut be met.


Incidently New Zealand is fun, :)

It's official, I will not be receving a 7 in Japanese.

My exam was today and before hand Nick and I went down to check my oral marks. Adding everything up, out of the 70% of assement we have had, I am on 55.65%. Which means even if I did ace my 30% exam, I'd only just make the 7, and we all know that's not going to happen.

At best, I can probably expect a 5.

Some people get 7's and then some people, no matter how hard they try, will never get anything better than maybe a 6.

I'm ready to go home at any time if; I live each day for my Father in heaven wher ehe has built a house for me. But i suppose, if i did not live each day for my Father in heaven, it would hardly be my home... would it?


weeee... random post!!

All around me are members of my Opera Studies class talking to each other and comparing notes and doing genral before exam craming. I am siting by myself, having talked to absoloutly no one since saying thank you to the bus driver.

A thought occoured to me however; what if Piano Repitoire dosen't have a timetable becuase it is an external subect? I doubt it though. It is very probable that i should email some one about it. Stupid music department. (incidently listening to my music class talk about Pelleas and Melisande, is just confirming all i know about the opera. I am just as good as them. How dare they marganilise me!!)

*sigh*

Poor confused Paula

Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to buzz and fly.

It’s the work of make up, therapy and strong drugs…

I’ll be perfect when I’m dead

If this is your first night at Music Club, you have to fight...

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

The fatal flaw in every plan is the assumption that you know more than your enemy.

People like to follow fools. They dont feel so alone then.

My toothbrush keeps telling me that the toaster is plotting against me. I tend to believe him because whenever I see the toaster, it's always smirking, and I haven't made toast in a long time, but I have great dental hygiene.

Yarrr, here there be treasure

Everything you are is everything someone else will want you to be

You’ll thank me when you share my politics

Scientists believe that the universe is infinite, or at least indefinitely finite.
The odds of there being life orbiting one of these stars is ten to the power of fifty-three against.
That is 1:1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000.
We orbit a fortunate sun.

Larger than most fish

Balloon animial serial kiler

Emoticontraindication

Yesterday i was walking home from the bus stop and I saw a musli bar wrapper on the ground, and so, trying to do the right thing, i stopped and picked it up to throw in the bin. About 20 meters later, i see something else, a dollar. :)

"All things work for the good of God's kingdom"

As I was on the bus today going to meet with the Preist from my church, i was thinking about God and how great he has been to me, and that lead too all sorts of things, but eventually got me thinking about work. On the oval last week with Carl, we were talking about how, when one kid hits another (eg, Timmy hit's Tommy), more often than not, Tommy will hit back. It is really sad to see because then they both have to get in trouble and it is so impractical for life. Are we allowed to yell back when our bosses are eating our heads off for something?

So i was wondering, why do the kids hit back? Carl was saying that alot of the kids parents tell them to hit back, but I've been thinking while that may be the case, there is something else. The kids genrally know, if they hit someone, one of the supervisions will know and send the culprit up for time out (punishment :P). So why don't they wait untill us supervisors come along?

Why don't we wait untill God judges before we jump on top of people who hurt us? When was the last time that someone said something mean to me, and instead of being patient and waiting, i jumped back and said something eaquly mean or worse. Despite knowing that God is going to take care of it in the end, we continually feel we can't wait, that we have to jump in and take our revenge now. And it's not like the people around us are helping... People we think know better, who we can trust for good advice, can often tell us things that are really impractical.

I think it's time i remembered to listen to God first, and remember that if i hit back too, i'm going to be in time out for a while untill i can come to God and ask forgiveness. I'd ecnourage everyone to wait for the Big Supervisor before judging whoever has hit you. In the end, we are all in this together.

Where to start? I sat down last night and I worked out the next 3 weeks of my life in highliter on recycled paper. :) Now it is alot less confusing than I originally though. One day at a time and things will be over before i know it. :) I am currently listening to Gagaku, the court music of Japan, which i really slow and full of strange sounds. It's a good thing the little Dino is still asleep :) Better news than that is that I found my iTrip :) was in the bag i had already check about 4 times :P

The Sad News is that I have lost my ring. The ring i always wear. I stood up last night after watching TV and i heard it drop off and I looked around but i couldn't find it at all. :( I had another look this morning, including lifting all the chairs and taking off the cusions (despite the fact that i heard it fall on the floor) but alas, the ring was no where to be found. My finger feels naked. :( I might even have to get a new one.

In other news, Ron is coming to MYC! :D Steve is coming to MYC! :D Edgar is coming to MYC! :D Wade is thinking about coming to MYC! :) and Maq is thinking about coming to MYC! :) yeah for MYC! Nick however might not be coming becuase he's just gotten engaged to Nicole and they want to get married in December, so they are saving money... *sigh* oh well. It's still going to be a ball :D MYC!!

The American team at uni have been doing a great job of out reaching to the Nathan and Mt Gravatt students. I have spent so much time with them that I have almost very much perfected my American accent. :P It's quite amusing. I was talking to them the other day though, and they said something interesting about outreach. Sharing the Gospel with people is fairly spirituarly draining, and if you don't recharge, and get plugged back into God and let him fill you up again, eventually you are going to feel exausted and run down and like you can't go on any more. This matches up with what Norm said at the LINC retreat in Feburary. He has been living with God for so long, and he has seen so many people fall away, becuase they just die from spiritual exaustion. (should there be a h in exhaustion?) He said that a key thing to being "a lifer" someone who is following Christ, is spending time with God every day, and always working on your relationship with Christ.

Have I spent time with Christ today?

hello me, i'm waiting for time to pass again, and maybe if i wait long enough, all of time will pass and i won't have to wait any more. My godmother came over to see me tonight, she was in the neighbour hood, which is very rare, but it was good to see her. She comes from Billawheeler (no idea how to spell that) which is the town outside Thangool (again with the spelling) which is where Nick comes from. Ahh the small town country stories. :)

Today at Wishart Community Outside School Hours Care i was on the oval with Carl, but we had enough supervisors (with the extra two we get on mondays to take the kids through soccar and softball (government funded programs to help make kids active)) that Carl left me with the walkie talkie and the role :P *sigh* he's another one of thoes people that i have met that really likes to push me to my "potential". I did a good job, only missed one name, repreimaded a heap of boys, consoled hurt children, tied up shoe laces, practiced waltzing and played hide and seek with a preschooler. It was a fun day. :)

Thoughts recently have included money, education and potential. Saving money for "the future" is all well and good, but everything in this world is going to fade. What is the point of conintually working and working and working for money to save save save? Saving is good, but it's of this world. Why tie myself to here? I don't belong here at all, I belong in Heaven. Hence i have made the decision that i need to use my savings to get people to MYC, because if that's not a worthy cause, i don't know what is. :P

Education, so many people teach you things in life and i have found recently, that the people who really push me to do the best i can, often help me more than the people who just let me sit back. At the same time, if everyone pushed me, i would go insane :P I need balance, but i also need to help encourage other people to be the best they can be. :) I guess this is a two in one thing, because in all the places i have been pushed to my potential, it's been in roles of education... weather it is at after school care, or just in leading bible studies... education... God, if that is where you want me, that is where i am going...

Well despite the end of this being all very ... not as great as i first thought it would be, it's ok because it was all mostly because i was distracted by people talking to me, meaning i wans't waiting any more. Bye!

Woah, Jesus is so cool.

So... I'm really realived that my music/japanese assignments/exams/orals are all over :) ... fiona just told me she is reading a book. I think i might faint. I'm really tired. man this is very disorginised.

So today, i went to uni, saw Melissa, went to work, fell asleep on the bus, found the guitar book i want, came home, had dinner, felt really tired and thought "I should do something" but i feel that i have done so much today that i don't have the energy left and if miss Kelman turns up for a singing lesson, i will need all my energy to sing. :P

I called,
You answered,
And you came to my rescue
and I
I want to be where you are

almost forgot how much it took for Jesus to come and get me. It took him so much, to leave home and come down here and wait 30 years for the right time, and then spend 3 years trying to tell people that he was there to save them not to mention the pain he went thru when the very people he came to save decided to kill him. All he wanted was to be with us. To break down the barrier of sin that blocks our connection to God.

You did so much to be with me Lord. Thank you.

Oh man i am so so hungry. :P this music assignment is driving me mad. Dam castrati. :P

ANYWAY the best news ever is that I GOT A NEW JOB!!!! YEAH!!! praise God for answered prayer!!

Went for an interview yesterday with the after school care for my old primary school and I GOT THE JOB!! ti was really good. It sounds like they are fairly understaffed - hence the wish for me to start TODAY - but man i can't wait!! no more weekday donuts! only Saturdays to contend with now! :D

Got to work yesterday, 2 hours early, so i start working on my music assignment. half an hour later, cassie calls me and says "do you know how to fix the donut machene?" ... i'm like *sigh* so i go in and start trying to fix it, but it is really broken. i call shaun, no ansewr, call up stairs, no answer. walk up stairs get donuts, try shaun again, no answer. up stairs to get more donuts all the while thinking - if i get the call back form the afterschool care place, this could be the last thrusday that i have to deal with stuff like this on. shaun came in after i'd actually started and asked me why i didnt call him :P anyway, i told him i had a new job and he said that he had a phone call but the line was really bad and he couldn't give me a good enough rap :P 8-)

I think he is sorta ok to see me go cos i'm getting old now :P and even thoguh he fired a girl 2 days ago, sam is coming back so i guess he feels fairly ok abou tit all :P

Thanks to God for gettign me this new job, Praying that it all goes well and even if it is hard i'll learn heaps and enjoy it.

does anyone else notice this is the second exciting thing to happen to me in a while and is connected with education...?? my thoughts exactly. lets see how this goes... maybe God wants me to be an educator...


and now, back to the music assignment :P

One of the coolest things about Monday was watching "A Snoodle's tale" in the morning. The volleyball was great fun too, but this is what i remembered most of all. Here is an expert of it. (I've typed the whole thing if you are interested ;) )

He thought of the Snoodles, he thought of the tower,
He thought of the bell that would chime on the hour.
He thought of his pack, and his very long walk,
He thought it so loudly, he heard his thoughts talk.

“Hello!” said his thoughts, “You’ve made quite a climb,”
“That voice,” he remarked, “doesn't sound much like mine.”
Then he turned and he noticed that he wasn't alone,
For a man stood behind, near a cave in the stone.

He looked like a Snoodle, though quite a bit bigger,
“Maybe a giant,” the small Snoodle figured.
“I’m going!” the Snoodle boy said with a huff,
“And don’t paint a picture, I’ve got quite enough!”

“But first, come inside,” the man said, “Have some tea,”
“I’m so very pleased that you’re visiting me.”
The Snoodle boy stopped, though he’d only gone inches,
And stared at the stranger he’d found on Mt Ginches.

He didn’t seem angry, in fact, he looked kind.
The poor little boy was confused, “Are you blind?”
“I’m puny, I’m silly, I’m not all that smart,
I can’t use my wings and I’m no good at art.”
The stranger leaned down, with a pain in his heart

“Who told you these things?” he asked, “How do you know?”
“These pictures I have in my pack tell me so.”
The small Snoodle sniffled, and started to go,

“First, if you please, let me look at this art,
That makes your pack heavy, and weighs down your heart.”
Then picture by picture, he unpacked the bag,
That weighed down the Snoodle and made his wings sag.

“Dear boy,” said the man, “These look nothing like you,”
Then into the fire, the pictures he threw!
He rose from his chair saying: “Wait there, you’ll see,
That what you need most, is a picture from me!”
The Snoodle sat patiently, sipping his tea,

Then from a room in the back he returned
And said, “Dear little Snoodle, it’s time that you learned,
What you really look like,”

And he took off the sheet, and what the boy saw,
Warmed him right to his feet.

The boy in the portrait looked older and strong,
With wings on his back, that were sturdy and long,
And a look in his eye, both courageous and free;
“Sir,” asked the boy, “Are you saying, that's me?”

“I’d like to believe it, but sir, I’m afraid to,”
“But I know who you are,” the man said, “for I made you.”

“I built the tower, set it in motion,
I planted the meadow, put fish in the ocean.
And I feed the finches, though most Snoodles doubt it,
Not one of them falls that I don't know about it.”

“I’ve seen you fall down in the mud and the goo,
I’ve seen all you have done, and all you will do!
I gave you your pack, and your paints and your wings,
I choose them for you, they’re your special things.”

“The Snoodle kazoo is so you can sing,
About colours in autumn, or flowers in spring.
I gave you your brushes, in hopes that you’d see,
How using them, you could make pictures, for me.”

“Most of the Snoodle’s,” the old one said sadly,
“Just use their paints, to make others feel badly.”
The young Snoodle pondered the things he’d be told,
The wondering something, grew suddenly bold.

“But sir, if you made this incredible land,
Can’t you make Snoodle’s obey your command?”
The big one smiled warmly and said to the small,
“A gift that's demanded, is no give at all.”

With that the small Snoodle reached into his pack,
And pulled out the picture he’d made ten miles back.
“They’re far lilies sir, from over the bridge.”
The old one beamed bright and said: “That’s for my fridge!”

After the small Snoodle’s picture was hung,
The old one bent down to the face of the young.
He said: “Here’s what you look like, here’s how I see you.
Keep this in your pack, and you’ll find it will free you,

“From all of the pictures, and all of the lies,
That others made up, just to cut down your size.
And lastly, your wings, you know what they’re for,
But not just to fly son, I want you to soar!”

“But sir,” said the Snoodle, “how can I fly?
This picture’s so big, I won't get very high.”
“But this picture is special, its bigger, its brighter,
Carry it close and I think you’ll feel lighter.”

And here we are, ready to listen to Paula rant about usless things again. :D weeee! (sorry that was so random, but i was just thinking about the whole "Bom the Blogosphere" thing and how silly blogs are and what not....)

Anyway! Wednesday, while it wasn't a compleate sucess, or prehaps it was, was alot less stressful than i had let my fears tell me it would be. I did leak a bit at the start, but Ron came and so did Steve, and then Adam and his friend turned up and it turned out to be an alright night. (That reminds me, have to email Suart.) God is pretty faithful is making things turn out, even if they don't turn out just as you wanted or expected them to.

In other news, the first ever Small Group also happend on Sunday the 23rd of April and man it went down well! (or thats the impression i got from the night.) God really blessed us. 4 people turned up and we all ate some of my mums healthy chilli concarn stuff (Jazz and I picked out the beans ;) ). Then we looked at 1 Corinthians 5:17. For thoes who don't know the verse, it tells of how we are a new creation in Chirst, no longer our old selves, but something compleatly different. Looking at the verse, we saw how God has made us new, and how we in turn should help others to find the same newness... does that make sense? :P meh, anyway, we ended up by challanging each other to try at least one act of wittnessing during the week. Will have to see how that goes.

After small group i was sort of thinking; "we need to get a system up where i'm not the only one doing the leading." And the more i thought about this, the more i realised it was true. Everyone in our group needs to contribute, or it becomes a dictatorship. (hehehe *evil laugh* ) So i was thinking, each week we could have one person in charge of food, one person in charge of an ice breaker/fun gamey type thing and another in charge of a bible verse or something similar. Maq also suggested to me that we prehaps have some worship, eg sing a song (to a CD or with a guitar) which is deinfatly doable in our group - such talented muscians! - but I'm thinking, prehps we should start small and work our way up there. I guess for the next couple of times I'll just bring bible verses and what not, but soon after we should shift into a group contribution stage.

It was funny how Maq and I got to talking abtou Small group actucally last week, becusae we were at the regular Student Life meeting. We prayed and then rang people and then we fiddled around on his computer (which is not a Mac :P) for a bit. I think it started by me showing him www.analogiesofjesus.blogspot.com and then him showing me his website (which, dispite the fact that he is a computer guy, hasn't been updated since 2003. The main component on his website is the roster for his small group (now 3 years old and very out of date). And i was thinking, me talking abotu SG here is sorta like his roster for his small group, except that only 1 perons who comes to small group reads this (i think) :P. Although i think if Ron ever did read this, he might be shocked at how little i talk here, compared with how much i talk all the rest of the time. :D hehehe. (talk being post...)

The last thing i was thinking of saying was this:

Student Life Mid Year Camp Details:

Theme: Unlocking the Jesus Code: Cutting through the controversy and Discover the real Jesus.
When: 7 - 12 July
Where: Currimundi Recreation Center (sunshine Coast)
Speaker: Keith Farmer
Elective Seminars: Unlocking the Da Vinci Code, Christians and Social Justice
Cost: 195$ (pay before end of lectures (fri 2nd July) or 210$ after that date. (take $30 off for your fees for every uni student friend no currently involved in student life that you bring to camp.)

I THINK WE SHOULD ALL GO!!! :D:D:D

Well due to popular demand I'm back and trying my best to type with fantastic punctuation. :P

And yet... what to type? I honestly really don't like typing things that sound like "I'm saying something important! learn from me!" becuase I'm not trying to tell you anonomus readers how to live or what to do. So dispite being considered random and abrupt sometimes, i just like to write whatever comes to mind.

I wish i could write something happy inspiring or serious, but all i am thinking about at the moment is Wednesday night. Wednesday night the bbq that was supposed to be getting the Student Life people together but is not looking like anyone is going to turn up. Trusting in God, everything will turn out ok, but right now, i just feel like there are only going to be 5 people there, i'm not going to know what to say and everyone is going to wonder why they came at all.

God give me strength to trust in You.

Humm, reading Andy's blog is always so encouraging and makes me remember things that have happened to me and wonder if i should post them so they could possibly be encouraging to other people.

Was reading Mark the other day with Steve (hehe that sounds funny) and we noticed that Jesus didn't sit around anywhere and wait for people to come to him. He didn't heal a few people, get the word to spread and then get everyone to worship him. He went out to the people. He was the Shepherd and he went out to help and heal his sheep. It says (in the gospels somewhere (definatly Mathew and John)) that people who are well have no need of a doctor, Jesus didnt come to heal the healthy people, he came to save the sinners from hell. Thats why he was out there with the outcasts of society.

i wonder how often i just let it go becuase i don't wnat to be seen with certian people. I wonder how often i let an oppourtounity to talk to soemone pass up cos I'm tried or i don't want to have to bother trying to keep a conversation going untill the other person decideds to give me something to work with. Am i here to go to chruch and wait for people to approach me? NO! I am here as part of Christ's body - to reach thoes who don't know Jesus yet!

So enough of me rambiling about that, guess im trying to inspire and challange myself. I really need a hair cut. tomorrow is Amy's last day at Donut King. :( sadness!! who will i have to close with in the future!? :( And i havn't been dancing in AGES!! like 4 weeks now!! :( only one more monday of non-dancing to go and then i can kick up my heals! woo hoo for dancing!! oh and guess what!!

I BOOKED A DRIVING LESSON!! now thats going to be scary!!


"I called,
You answered,
and You came to my rescue
and I,
I wnat to be
where You are"

"Sin is the monster we love to deny.

It can stalk us, bite a slice out of our lives, return again and bite again, and even as we bleed and hobble, we prefer to believe nothing has happened. That makes sin the perfect monster, a man-eater that blinds and numbs its victims, convincing them that nothing is wrong and there is no need to flee, and then consumes them at its leisure.

We've all been assailed by this beast, sometimes face-to-face, but all too often from a direction we aren't even preapred to defend, and it's only in recognizing the beast for what it is that we can hope to escape at all. In Jesus Christ we are forgiven and empowered to overcome sin, but opening the door and tossing the beast kitchen scraps of our character is no way to drive it off. Toying with an animal that is actually toying with us is a sure way to lose part of ourselves.

I was watching it happen to some friends of mine thea year I began writing 'The Oath'. As the rest of us just kept on praising the Lord, loving one another, smiling and trying not to be judgemental, some really good people walked stupidly, blindly into the jaws of sin. The tooth marks still show today, in ruined marriages and soiled ministries. The rest of us should have said something.

In 'The Oath', I tried to say somethign through a vicioous drama. I gave sin a form, an identifiable embodiment hellbent to comsume the hero. I chose an obscure, remote setting because sin shies from examination just as vermin flee from the light, and in this place, there are no rules. Denial is easy, and sin is protected. The consequences, of course, play out just as they do in so many real lives: we've all see friends, relatives, and fellow believers dragged out the door by a pet that got too big to control. Some have manged to come back, bleeding and bruised, hopefully healing and wiser. Some have never come back at all. And some of us have been there.

'The Oath' is a story we've all had a part in, to one degree or another. And years later, it still cries out the same warning God gave Cain: "Sin is crouching at the door, and it wants you, but you must overcome it." "

-- Frank Peretti
From the Introduction to 'The Oath' 2003

Weee I'm 2 years old today!! Happy Birthday to me!!

and all i can really feel i can say is:

"God is amazing"

Not only was sunday night live about baptizims and new life, which reminded me of how my life was new when i became christian, but one of the guys who got baptized mentioned that finding out about sunday night live to start with defintly helped.

I didn't feel like "woo hoo, everyone can see what a great Christian i am" at all. all i coudl feel was "Wow, God is still using me, 2 years on."

Dispite the times when i have felt down and that God can't possibly be using me and I'm doing a terrible job and i feel a zillion miles away from God, He is still with me, every step, and he is still using me for His work, even when i dont realise it.

Thank you so much Lord, for making my life have meaning and using me though sometimes i don't think i'm doing a good job of being Your child.

Never doubt that God is using you for his work. Where ever you are, whatever you are doing, God is using you for His kingdom. Rejoice always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances, becuase no matter where you are, even the smallest act or word can change someones life forever.

"Whatever Paula, your life is too complicated"

Snap

I'm just trying to do my best here, but somehow, even that isn't good enough. The wearyness has set in and here at uni at 8:24 am, i'm oh so ready to go home and go to bed and sleep untill the world is finished and i don't have to deal with it any more.

Is it my fault that there arent 36 hours in a day? is it really up to me to cancel things i have already paid for so i can go to one dinner? has my life faded away from some people and is it my fault they are feeling left out?

News flash - the way things are is not going to be the way they always are. things are going to change. and it's not my fault. You can't blame me for not having spare time, and you can't blame me for your job putting you on a night you wanted to go out, and you can't even blame the "steve-factor". don't even try.

I'm sorry Lord, but I'm finding life just a little hard right now.

I wanted so much to be angry and spend this whole post ranting, but walking home last night, i realised, in some cruel irony, that i don't actually have the time to be angry. Ha. *sigh*

"I won't give up, cos You don't give up on me"

Ok Lord i'll try my best but i really think i'm going to need your help. There is just no way i'm going to make it on my own.

Anyway, time to make some sense i reckon. I can't please everyone, and running around trying to is only making me busier and making it hurt more when people blame me for not being super woman. So I've decided that at least untill the April holidays are over, I'm going to be staying home during the week.

No dancing on mondays, no Rock-climbing on wednesdays, no chruch on tuesday nights. Time for Paula to recouperate and just try surviving for a while.

Thanks to all thoes people who have watched me cry and then fed me ice cream to make things better. you rule. :)

hey guys, sorry its another copied and pasted email. times getting short and there is no other way (only 2 days left!!! :( sadness in extreem measures)

Hey Dad

Hehehe, you seem to want to ring quite often but always seem to not because you think im going to not be home... well its a good thing i guess, beucause im not often home... hehehe. ill be home tonight... after 10 or so i guess.... ehhehe

Steves getting enough rest and is feeling much ebtter. he breathed on me too much in the train and gave me his cold, i took some fancy japanese drugs though and im feeling fine. ;)

Went to school on monday, the teachers stuffed up the times and instead of watching a farewell thing, i got to watch bowing practice. :p fairly boring. i got to see my firneds htough. they were shocked that i had come back to see them. i gave them the purikura that steve and i took. hehhe so funny.

Tuesday Steve and i went to disney sea with Kana and yuki. haruka was oging to come but she was feeling sick. :( sadness. we had fun though, it wa sa long day. i got steve some nemo boxers... hehehe. i got mum some cooking stuff and steve got me some chocolates. hehehe

Glad eveyrones got their post cards. you know the reason you didnt get one. :P besides - why would you want a post card when you get emials!!!

Wednesday we out wiht jun and yuki to karaoke and then bowling at night with robert and michiko as well. it was fun. Steve sang at karaoke too and then we put on "come fly with me" by cranky franky and had a dance in teh karaoke room. :) that was fun.

on thursday it was graduation so we went to shcool. graduation was long and boring, but i got to see my friends and take photos with them. good thing i bougth steve or i would have no one to take the photos. :) my friends thought he looked very similar to me... like my brother!! :p　:p!!

Okaasan was out later than me on thursday night becuase steve and i met up with Shino and then out for an early dinner while she partied all night with the parents!! she caught a LATER train!! Kana didnt even come home....

Steve says your crazy for traveling so much. NZ and Japan in one YEAR!!!?? hes jelous ;) still we are having a blast! dont wnat to come home!!

today was clear and they are forcasting blue skys for tomomrrow - fingers crossed ti stays that way becuase we want to see Fuji san!! We went back out to Yokohama today and ate some chinese food. v. yum. and then went and got steve some yukatta material - he wants me to make him one!! heheh eyeah!!!

Tonight we are going to an onsen. ;)

Umm... we will be home i guess on mondy mornign sometime. mums got the flight details. if we anret there, assume weve missed the plane and you'll hear from us when we decided its safe to emerge from the underground.

Love you all!

Steve and I have been busy. recently we spent 2 days at my friends house, where we played cards and ate food and drank tea. Steve also developed a cold, and spent alot of the time lying down asleep.

When we showed My friends mum the purikura (sticker photos) and she said that steve looks like Perice Brosnon... form JAMES BOND!! hahaha cracks me up... but i guess that makes me a bond girl ;) hehehehe. incidently - did another Bond movie recnelty come out? Steve and i saw a sign yesterday.... how did i not know abotu this!!??

moving on... the rest of this post is a copied and pasted email to my father. becuase he likes to email me when im away and considering i tell him most things, and i cant be bothered retype it all - i thought id stick the email here.

Hello Father Dearest

yesterday Steve and i slept in and then watched MI2 and then went into tokyo. we went up tokyo tower, which i am never going up again on a saturday beacuse japanese families seem to think a fun day out is going to tokyo tower and hence it was packed as. Steve and i went all the way up, and though there were only a few clouds and the sun was shining though, we didnt see fuji san :(

then we went to akihabara. Your dearest daughter walked all over that place in search for the trian shop for you and didnt give up untill she had found it - be gratefull! Steve and I got all your train stuff no worries and i got you a little somethign extra that i hope you will like. :) all up it was 26409 Yen.

After that we went to Harajuku - mums favirote place i believe - and ate a creape :) then we met Regan for dinner at Shinjuku - which was packed as. it was so cool to see regan, he was top stuff. we took purikuru - siticker photos!! and then went to karaoke. karaoke was fun as. I caught the last train home to Fusa and okaasan picked me up from there.

humm meat pies... havent had one of thoes for a while. the japanese food is SO good! last night we had katsudon and beore that i had okunomiyaki!! YUM!!

No luck with the rain, it was clear yesterday and today its comming down. well not so bad, but there are alot of clouds which makes fuji san pointless. Steve still wants to go cos all he wants to do is see the snow, but the rest of us are like... um... no. :) we are probably goign to go next saturday.

Steve is alot better, we are going shopping today with Okaasan and michiko. hopefully i will find some yukatta material. Kiyose`s mum rang Sanki (japanese lincraft) for me and said that they have some, so hopefully we will find it!

ouch! fiona sounds like shes going to be run down before uni starts! i hope shes getting over time. please tell her i say hi!

I havent had a chance to give happy a walk yet. maybe today. every morning she joins me for breakfast, we have bread. Happy likes plain bread, i like bread with butter. :)

the bad news about School on monday is that Steve cant come, but he said hes going to cruise around kashiwa instead, so its all good. silly school... japanese ppl, they are either super orginised or compleatly disorginsied. it is really confusing.

anyway id better go. its almost 11 and i think okaasan and i are picking up steve and Michiko to go shopping in about a half hour. BYE!

ahh well, i try my best. :)

today was a hot 14 degrees and the sun was out and shining. very nice day really. we traind out to kamakura, which is like the beach up here in tokyo and then walked around for ages, saw a big buddah and then walked around some more. in the afternoon, we went to yokohama and walked some more. it was alot of walking and now, my feet are sore. my homestay mum was most unimpressed that we didnt really eat lunch, i should really try lying to her, becuase she gets very worried hwen i say things like `oh we had an ice cream...` hehehe.

michiko thinks i have lost weight (along with eveyrone else here) and wants to feed me japanese food to recitify the situation. at this rate they arent going to let me back on the plane :P

*sigh* i had so much more to writ,e but ive already said alot of this stuff like 3 times and i dont wnat ot repeate myself :P ahh i`ve got intorvertedness!! save me!!

anyway htings are good, im tried and im looking forward to the sleep in tomorrow before we go to kiyosez`s house for a sleep over :) love you lots!

update 2 : i am steve`s poor dyslexic girlfriend.... *sigh* i`m ok with that. :)

today we went to asakusa and it was cold and raining but despite the fact that my jeans ended up with 30cm of water in the bottom, we had a great time. asakusa is one of my fav places in japan! so many memories. (i can`t believe how well we can type like this, ridiculous as it is...)

steve is amazed by the efficientness of everything here. i am feeling at home but he is still taking everything in for the first time.

tomorrow we will go to narita and we hope melissa is impressed by the, so far, daily updates (on this blog anyway) :)

love you all!!!!

Hello wonderful Australians!!

I AM IN JAPAN!!!

woo hoo!! plane flight was ok. saw just like heaven and Zoro 2 which both had japanese dubbing and during Zoro 2 i got a headache form continually translating. ;P otherwise ok flight. got a bit high on sugar. :D

got to the airport in japan and my homestay parents had mixed up the times... so we waited 3 hours for them. but its all good, im home now. happy is happy.

tomorrow we go to asakusa (hopefully) with regan :)

for now, its 11:30 japan time and im tried so goodnight!

woo hoo, no more donut king for at least 2 weeks!! yeah!!

incidently when i was working my last shift and patrice was doing the worst job of closing ever, the song "Forever Young" kept coming on the raido, and i dotn mind that in the slightest becuase i like that song, but it made me think, becuase the lyrics were "I dont want to live forever... forever young, i want to be forever young"

and that to me is a bit depressing, becuase yeah i dont want to live forever here, id rather live in heaven with God whre i can have the perfect relationship with him! but also, if i were forever young... then id never get any closer to God.... like... the way i see it, the older i get - the closer i get to Christ. the more i grow up, the more i become like Him. and who doesnt wnat that?

So bring on 20 and 2 happy birthday to me, another year over another year closer to really going home.

humm, i didnt realise people checked my blog so often, and now i feel bad that i dont update very often. sorry guys!

at the moment it is a humid tuesday morning in the fantastic city of brisvagas, my dad has just fixed my draw, i have to go to work in 3 hours and hotmail is refusing to attach anything. i took maiko dancing last night. she is here for a mth, but i leave to go to Japan in 5 days! that is probably the most exciting thing in my life at the moment. i cant believe ill soon be in japan.

Josh is telling me that in my song, the chorus doesnt start where i think it does... how bizzar, i think i woudl know - i wrote the song!! :P anyway i went on a student life camp last week and it was very cool. i think everyone shoudl go join studnet life. its a cool group to be in.

Amy and i went shopping yestserday. i guess ive been meaning to for a while, but Amy got me while i was impressionable and i ended up shopping for 4 hours and now my hair is purple. ... its interesting. im over it already. glad its only 8 washes. i have to go to work today, and thursday. so i think ill clean my room and pack on friday! yeah!! packing!!

btw, happy single persons day!

Watching the Pride and Predjudice trailer, i noticed that Jane Austin is refred to as "the Beloved Author" which got me thinking... was she really that great? the thing is, we refer to her as the beloved author because we love her books, so we feel we must love her. that she has created books that we love makes us feel that she must have been a splendid person.

it leads me to the question if we love the creation - do we always love the creator? and if we dont; why not?

The world we live in is God's creation. Every person, ever plant, every breath you take is God. how is it that so many people can live in this creation, but not see the beauty and hence the glory of the Creator? how is it that so many people take for granted so much of this world and trash so much of this world when all it is is beautiful creation?

is it possible to love the creation but not the creator?

this question just makes me feel we are all walking around with our eyes closed, so we dont see...

cool as Zoegirl lyrics :D

Does anybody know how I feel?
Sometimes I'm numb, sometimes I'm overcome
Does anybody care what's going on?
Do I have to wear my scars like a bandage on my arm
For you to see me, I need release

Do I have to scream for you to hear me?
Do I have to bleed for you to see me?
Cause I grieve, you're not listening to me
Do I need to scream?

Has anybody seen what's been done?
Where was my defense? No one heard my protest
The eyes of God were watching me
It's time to make my peace, let go and be released
So I can breathe again
I'm on my knees

I've been marked, set apart
But I'm cut so deep and afraid of the dark
One drop of blood from the hole in Your hand
Is enough to heal me and make me stand

'Cause I'm clean, He is listening to me

I don't have to scream for Him to hear me
I don't have to bleed for Him to see me
'Cause I'm clean, He is listening to me
I don't have to scream
I don't have to bleed
'Cause I'm clean, He is listening
And I don't have to scream

You wouldn't know it
But this is true love
I didn't feel butterflies
Or feel electric sparks
I didn't hear the bells ring
Or even church bells chime

All I felt was love and care
The ultimate sacrifice, forever

True love was continual giving
True love was sacrifice
True love was 39 lashes
And true love was nail pierced hands

All I feel is shame and grief
As I see my true love die
his ultimate sacrifice for me
true love is sacrifice

true love loved me before I cared
before I even know
true love died while I still sinned
and true love left the choice to me
to step up and take the offered love
or refuse and push the scarred hand away

and yet
true love still waits for me
no matter how far I stray

when i got to work very early on saturday, i had enough time to clean under the dishwasher and under the fridge and under the coke fridge as well! and when i did the last thing, i found this 1 000 000 dollar bill from america. wahts the bet its a fake :P dam

anyway, it says (as, i believe, do all american notes) "In God we trust" which is 100% cool. but this note also has (which i am failry sure standard american notes dont have) is a message round the side.

"The million dollar questions: Will you go to heaven? Here's a quick test. Have you ever told a lie, stolen anything, or used God's name in vain? Jesus said. "Whoever looks apon a woman wto lust after her has committed adulteryu already with her in his heart". Have you looked with lust? Will you be guilty on Judgment Day? If you have done thoes things God sees as lying, thieving, blasphemous, aldlterer at heart. The bible warns that if you are guilty you will end up in Hell. That's not Gods will. He sent His Son to suffer and die on the corss for you. Jesus took your punishment opon himself "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, bit have everlasting life." Then He rose from the head and defeated death. Please, repent (turn from sin) today and trust in Jesus, and God will grant you everlasting life. Then, read your bible daily and obey it. www.wayoftheMaster.com"

pretty cool hey?

when i woke up this morning at 5:15 and thought "i have to walk to work!" i was wrong, and i got to sleep for another hour!! wonderful! then i got up and ready and walked to work. in the hot sun. but i got to work 20 mins early! what a belssing, cos the close was pretty crap.

sadly however, when it got to 9:15 and half of the things i was supposed to have done were still not done cos i was serving, things started to look alot worse. and then when it got to 9:40 and no one had turned up to help me, they went down hill very fast. not only was i so busy serving i couldnt finish the open (ie pack dounts into boxes, put price tags up) i was so busy serving i couldnt call whoever was supposed to come in and get them to come in, or even call other ppl in earlier. i called upstairs, but they had a broken froz coke machine that had flooded their shop.

finally, when a lovley lady tried to talk to me at coffee, i lost it and started crying. right there in fount of the coffee machine. i have never been so exausted in my life and the only thing i could do was keep workign and cry. and any time some one asks me abotu it, or if im ok, i just cry again. (subliminal message here: dont ask me about it, i have no wish to cry any more). even now, as i sit here and type this im crying.

All i can say is that God provides everythign you need, and though my weekness he made me strong. God gave me what i could handle and nothign more. when i really couldnt take it, He provided a set of nice customers who asked what they could do (eg put donuts away) and one who was even nice enough to ring shaun for me and ask him for help. God also made sure nothing broke while i was franticly working away, He made sure i hadnt forgottne to turn anything on that morning, and He froze my ipod on the way to work so that when i turned it back on i woudl put the worship play list on. (incidently, He also provides a fairly good boss, who know the right thing to say to the people who didnt come in to make sure they did come in, for instance, "if you want a job on monday, you need to come in now" which worked wonders compared with my "you need to come in cos you ahve a responsibility and im stressed!" which failied quite misrably. (thanks God, for shauney, who is also giving me an extra hours pay for the stress i was under :)))

now, its time for me to go to sleep and try to recover a little bit before tomorrow at work. but as i sit here, dry eyed (finally!) id just like to say (in a great subliminal message :P) that im exausted, but mostly, im worried about my best friend. she hasnt talked to me for a very long time. and it feels like, she doesnt want to. sure shes an introvert, but i hope she realises that soon, introvert or not, not talking to people is going to hurt thoes who are waiting. God didnt put us in this world alone, but together.

Thankfully God uses imprefect people, otherwise nothing would get done. and today, though my stressful, tearfull and all round exausting experince at work, i know that He is the one who is strengthening me, ready for His use in the furture.

John works full time at a software company. and he asked if i was still at school :P

what a compleatly random post :P honestly i think posts are ways to communicate with the people you know who read them by hiding subliminal messages in them.

today on my day off, i woke up with a splitting head ache. and then the phone rang and i jumped out of bed to get it befor it woke fiona up. then i had a funny conversation wiht someone who didnt say her name but seemed to think sarah was still going out with ben... now the washing is 12 minuets off being done which means i have to go out and find the basket and then put antoher load on. no worries.

incidently, john says i created a new move by almost falling over while we were dancing last night....

Heart Of Worship

when the music fades
all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something that's of worth
that will bless your heart

i bring you more than a song
for a song in itself
is not what you have required
you search much deeper within
through the way things appear
you're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about you
It's all about you, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing i've made it
when it's all about you
it's all about you, Jesus

King of endless worth
no one could express
how much you deserve
though i'm weak and poor
all i have is yours
every single breath

I wrote a song. I was supposed to be studying, but everything that has been happening lately, everything on my mind just got to me and I wrote a song. Even then, at least I was doing something. After that, I was playing tetris which almost completely equates to doing nothing.

So long I have wanted to post, but every time I just write crap about life and its not even worth me typing. Then when I type about God, everything matters. Its all important.

So now, I just want to know God, what is Your plan for me? Honestly I don't know what to do and I feel like anything I do will just be so silly and will end up making things worse. I just want you to take over and do things Your way. I'm sick of trying it my way cos honestly I'm stumbling around blind.

I'm such a child and that's exactly how I feel now. Like I'm reaching for the chocolate jar on the shelf but I'm too short to reach it.

Can You give me what I'm looking for? Can You give me the knowing inside me of which decision is the right one? All I ask right now if for You to give me all I need.

Could you show me,
The way to go?
Will you answer my prayer?
Can you help me
I'm longing to know
Are you really there?

I was watching "30 days" last night. its a show where they take soemone out of their ususal environment and put them somewhere else for 30 days to give them a new perspective. last night, they took an american guy and put him in a muslim community for 30 days. it was intersting.

Got me thinking abotu the difference between other religons and Christianity. God doenst say to us "if you forfill this criteria, (eg wear a hat, pray heaps, go to church, eat certain food) then you can come to heaven." The first thing God said to me was: "I love you so much"

"I love you so much
I love you so much I created you in My image
I love you so much I made plans for your life
I love you so much I made sure you could get into eternity
I love you so much I am preparing you for eternity now
I love you so much that one day you will be in eternity with Me"

And thats just the start.


I guess the question now is: "how do we respond to a love like that?"

"Over the mountians and the seas
Your river runs with love for me
And i will open up my heart
And let the Healer set me free

Im happy to be in the truth
And i will daily lift my hands
For i will always sing
Of when your love came down

I will sing of Your love forever"

wow! 20 posts go me! :D ok so im not here to post much right now, in fact im jsut going to paste and copy song lyrics, but none the less, it has to be done. :D these are great :D by Hawk Nelson - im so impressed. and i know as you read you might think... is she ok? but really its not how im feeling - its just an awesom song (even awesomer with music :D) anwyay enough of me babaling on, i have to go write some kick ass story, please enjoy these great lyrics :D

Can you hear me? Does anyone around me
Feel the way that I feel now?
Cause from the window where I sometimes cry
I just want to see Your face tonight
And I’m willing to lose everything I am

Cause I need you more than ever
I need Your help to find where I’ve been going wrong so far

Take me under Your wing tonight
Make me so perfect in Your eyes
Hold on cause it will be alright
You’re not alone anymore

When You’re near me, I feel like I just found me
In the traces of the boy from yesterday
But in a world that is so black and white
I will take the steps to change my life
And I won’t be coming back to here again

I need Your loving hand to guide me
Through the maze of all the things inside me
Then I’ll know that I’m alright

Cause I need You more than ever
I need Your help to find where I’ll be going wrong so far

Tale me under Your wing tonight
Make me so perfect in Your eyes
Hold on cause it will be alright
You’re not along anymore
Please help me get from worse to better
Before these tears soak through this lonely sweater
And let me know that I’m alright
I still have one strike of this match left
And I’m holding on to my last breath
And its getting a little dark around to see here

Take me under Your wing tonight
Make me so perfect in your eyes
Hold on cause it will be alright
You’re not alone

And You’ll be here forever, forever You’ll stay
And You promised to love me, You’ll love me always
You’ll love me for always, You’ll love me for always
Always

i just have to say that dancing last night was alot of fun. :) it was insanlly overfilled with guys thouhg :P there was proabbly about 35 guys and 15 girls... hahahaha how insane!! and my leg was sore, but cos there was such a shortage of girls - guys just kept asking for a dance!! insane as!! i danced wiht John again 8-) absolutly classic as. he kept being flashy and stiring me so i woudl spin more, so i jsut kept baiting him :D it was great. (OH my goodnes!!! IBM jsut called me!!! what insane japanese!!! ahahahha!!! man it was funny!!!) he was spinning me and i was like "stop it!" so hes like "no you can do 2 spins, so do them" and i said "i have a sore leg!!" and he said "yeah right!" but then later he started to beleive me, and he was like "well you can still dance" and then he did liike 4 consecutive spins in a row, so i said "flashy flashy, its good that evne though i have a sore leg, we at least have you to do the spinning for us" hahahaha. ok so it doenst sound as funny as it was - i guess you had to be there - but man it was funny! :D this sorta open hatred thing we have goign is good. i think its good cos he knows im not impressed by his stupid flashy moves and he knows im an ok dancer - so he helps improve me. :P hehehe its good :d

Yeah! its monday again!!

i feel a bit bad actually, cos i still havent recorded that stuff for jbf, and it doesnt look like it will happen too soon cos my voice is back on a low again. *sigh* jbf was packing shoe boxes all weekend though which was cool :D go jbf!

but tonight is dancing!! :D:D yeah yeah yeah! im considerign skipping music, but i really should go, and really - if i dont go - what am i going to do? study korean -hahaha not goign to happen. (that reminds me though - i need to buy a bus ticket) oh this week is pay week :D:D yeah for pay week!

the little dinosour was in my room before, telling me that what im wearing isnt so cool. but i really like what im wearing :D oh well! i mean, it coudl be loads worse. msn is having such a tempremental day though, signing me in and out like crasy! its good i have 2 accounts.. :D

man all this superfical stuff, ive just been talking with ricky about how this world doenst matter. its all going to fade away. i dont really belong here at all. i am a citizen of Heaven - thats my true home - the House of my Father. cant wait to go there! (but saying that, ricky said i sounded suicidal....) hhehehe

ok anyway, been thinking latley we shoudl be living a life of praise. ... tahts abotu as far as ive gotten. i dunno how to live taht life of praise cos i knwo form experince that all too often i get distracted by living in genral and forget to praise God, but i really do believe that we should be trying our best to live praising God. he dosent want us to get tied down by being here or how we, as humans, have a problem with sin, he wants us to look at him and go "WOW"

SUCCESS!!! well sorta :D my music assignment is 99% done and in about 1 hr it will be 100% done. :D so thats pretty fantastic. probably the reason i havent been posting (not that i post all that reguraly anyway) recently. :) dancing last night was megga fun. Jazz wasnt there so i felt it was my duty to have a dance with John for her. you know hes not that good, just showy. :P i have danced with guys who are eaquly as good, but less showy which infact makes them 100% better to dance with. :) sorry Jazz, you but you got to dance with some quality guys. :D one guy i was dancing wiht (finally learnt his name) has been to japan! :D too bad i found that out at the end of the dance :P but im srue we will talk abotu it next time :D

so today, after my music assginment is done, i am going to revise Korean, and then going to garden city, to get some money out - might even by my frog thing too!! :D:D i need to find that 50$ gift voucher... humm... anyway!

i was sorta thinking abotu working on songs last night, and i couldtn find the lyrics to the one i wrote like 3 mths ago!! i need some orgnisation! So anyway here are some other lyrics i dug up last night, that i have to dedicate to JoshJamesBarrFerret, jsut cos hes really cool and pretty much an inspiration to me. :)

On my knees i come again
the only way i ever should
ive just suddenly had a revelation
that im somewhere i shouldnt be

remembering You
brings tears to my eyes
and remembering You
makes me think of sacrifice

Ive forgotten You, lost in this place
of living life and getting it right
realizing again that ive screwed it up
reminding me to return to your grace

i cant really beileve it, and i suppose that alot of people reading this wont believe it either, but right now, i actually want to talk to someone - and there is no one online!! i dont know how or why this has happened, but im not sure i like it :P oh theres the phone... doubt its for me though... and i was right. that was my Yia-yia checking to see if i got home and dad likes his birthday presents, cos its his birthday today. it was chris's birthday today too, most of the reason that i remembered is that it was dads birthday.

Man i really like this song. i cant believe this year is almost over. is that really possible??? i cant believe that shops are putting up christmas decorations already... that is hard to believe. man so many things that are hard to believe. speaking of hard to believe, i foudn it hard today to explain what believing in Jesus ment at CE. i dont know why, but when it try to wokr off the stuff they give you instead of jsut trusting God, it makes things so much more complicated, and as a result i confused eveyrone quite a bit... *sigh* then i prayed and i think it turend out all right. i want to send an email to Chris to check, but i dont wnat to seem im pushing... dam taht pushing....

You know who else is pushing... ricky... dam that boy. (in a good way). hoenstly i jsut wish he didnt make me feel so confused. not that im confused, but its jsut anoying having stuff to say but not saying it, or not getting the chance to say it, or not knowing if you will ever get the chance to say it. its very confusing and anoying. maybe i should be learning paticence...

tell you what though, my yia-yia needs patcients. she fully kicked the lift door today when it didnt come fast enough... *oi!* and eveyrone thought old ppl were harmless....

Jesus please get back in the drivers seat, i promise ill try not to fiddle with the indicators....

Well i dont know what to say, except that God rules!! honestly jsut taken over by him on sunday and i cant believe it all. Jesus jstu roks my soks! :P ahahha such a joshbarrferret thing to say :D

"Cos i dont have the words to say
to show wahts in my heart
For you, Oh Lord, are worthy of more,
than i could ever say..."

so anyway, its been a busy weekend and now its monday again, and i was just so in awe of God last night and i still am now, but now that it is monday, there are all thoes little things that are just coming back to haunt me. like my music assignment... which i have started... started being the key word there - i havent acutally finished it yet. but i didnt expect that i would. :P i feel so unprepared for it all :P sillyness i know but thats the way it is.

finally got around to making up a sunday play list for me and amy, :D yeah yeah yeah!! its called "sunday mornign girl power" adn is full of music by great bands such as superchic[k], barlow girls, brook fraser with some other ppl thrown in. its all pretty wonderful.

im sure there was soemthing else to say, there usually is. but as always ive forgotten. If only i had the words to discribe God...

Just got home from uni, and now i can finally expand my lungs again. such a small thing, but something i think we all take for granted all too often. the reason im ranting abotu being able to expand my lungs when i breath in, is because i wore a yukata to uni again today. Just an incredibly spur of the moment thing, but fun all the same. now, my yukata is lying on my bed waiting for me to fold it up again, adn i need to have a shower before dinner, but im stalling by getting on msn :D ahh the fantastic procrastinating nature of msn :D really though i did have a purpose. i was hoping some frieneds woudl be on. but they arent yet... thats ok! what i should do is go have a shower now and when i come back they will hopefully be on, but typically, im already talking to 3 ppl, and it would be so rude jsut to leave, so im going to finish typing this and then get off.

the major decision of the day is that i will start my music assignmetn tomorrow! i have been inspired by fionas last minuet attack on assignments (starting one tomorrwo tahts due friday...) and im going to do mine! yes i am!! after i come home from uni.... ahh uni....

uni on wednesdays has to be one of the coolest days at uni, mostly cos i have bible study and CE, the thing that will make tomorrow different form past wednesdays, is taht i am taking CE.. as in leading it, rather than watching Scott lead it. So after i have a shower and get back on msn, im goign to prepare for CE, adn also possibly do my korean homework (no tv for me tonight...) So much prayer will be focused on leading CE tomorrow, that i will be able to speak the words God wants me to and hopefully make an impression on Chris and Ricky so that they come to realise Jesus is the only way. :D

You give and take away
My heart will choose to stay
Well Blessed be your name

Honestly, when i started this, i swore to myself i wouldnt put up random and unexplained posts that woudl confuse everyone. :P and look at me! oh well. time to rectify the situation with this: my God inspired thought of the night.


Free Gift: Saved by Grace

Its like we are all in jail. All humans. We are there because we have done everything wrong, even with out knowing it. We are in jail and there is no release date on our doors. No one wants to let us out, because we deserve to be locked up forever. We are that bad.

And then one day, someone sends you a gift. Even though you have never had any visitors, you have never had any phone calls and you even have trouble remembering what its like to live outside jail. Someone has sent you a gift. And when you open it up, it's a golden key. It's the key to the cell you are in. it's the key that then unlocks the gate at the end of the hall. It's the key that opens the electrified security fence outside.

So you take your key, and you open the first door and start walking out. As you walk through the halls, you notice that everyone has a key. Some people have opened their doors and are already down the hall. Some people are just putting the key in the lock and checking to see if it really will turn. Some people have hidden their keys under their beds. Some people haven’t even opened the box.

When you get outside you walk down the street and you find that some people who just got out are being taken straight back to jail. Some people are wearing their keys around their necks like a safety vest. Some people have hidden their keys in their pockets and are pretending they didnt have them in the first place. Some people are walking beside you. And finally some one says: “Hey, I just got out too. Want to come to a sinners anonymous meeting with me? I hear we give thanks for our keys and waste time wondering why we got sent them.”


Thoughts: why do some people stay in jail with their keys instead of accepting their free gift? Why would someone send me this gift? this is what it must mean to be saved by Grace. past all human expection where in the world we live in, you dotn get anythign unless you earnt it, Grace is something that only God coudl have thought up. That only God woudl give because of his love for us. his love for me. Thank you for this Grace Jesus. Thank you for the key to my jail cell. May i always be at the sinners anonymous meeting thanking you for the gifts you give.

1. knowledge means nothing really
2. its not about what you want
3. its not about how you feel

its not about what i want. its not about how i feel. its not about what i know. its about Jesus. its about what he wants for me. its about doing my best to give him the glory. its all about Jesus.

So if i feel stupid, maybe its time i stop feeling stupid and start focusing on Jesus again. cos he is all i need.

All i need is Jesus.

Happy half year bithday to me! 19 and 6 mths doesnt come round every day and i think we should all celebrate! :D

I worked for a very long time today, and again my hands smell like donut king - will this forever be the case? i hope not. shanuny knows i had an interview with boost. he asked me if i was happy and offered me more hours and stuff. hes a funny one. :)

My Pa-Pou's funeral yesterday was good as funerals go. im not going to be put down for a greek funeral, but other wise it was a good send off for him. aussie flowers on the casket and it poured rain afterwards. he was probably laughing at our tears.

"I step outside and i open my eyes
and realise that i cant take a breath
wiht out you being on my mind
theres nothing that i can do,
theres nothing that i can say,
im falling flat on my face
and ive been blown away."

After a long talk with allie in the car last night, i wish there were simple answers to faith. i wish there were a formula that could be applied to everyone so they would know that God is God, and the answer to all the questions. Faith is such a hard thing to explain and come by, espically chrisiantiy, becuase it requires faith based on what we cant see, based on more than we can feel or explain, based on what goes beyond logic. Deciding what to believe.. its tough. sometimes i wonder why God gave us free choice becuase its how we get so confused and lost sometimes... but then, im so glad i serve him because i love him and for no other reason.