Count down for Christian Life Week is on; less than a week to go. I'm pretty pumped, but also strangely nervous. Maybe that's not the right word.... humm. I'm realizing more and more that I'm not good with kids and I often look down on the faith of the young (thanks God for teaching me that right before I go on a camp with 60 kids... is this what you call perfect timing?).

Will everything be ok? Will Sophie need more attention than usual? Will she continue sleeping through the night or will she wake up and disturb the girls in the dorm? Will I have time for the kids, or will I put tasks first? Will I be warm enough?

So many wonderful questions running around my head. What a great chance to trust in God and learn from this time. I feel that the world tells me I'm all grown up now (house, car, husband (yay!), baby, job, etc) and God just wants to remind me that I've still got a long long long way to go. I'm still just a toddler to Him.

So here's to learning more about God and myself on the week to come. Yay!

On another completely different but somewhat related note, here is a front-wards picture of the "CREW" dress I made for Sophie out of the LYQ (Lutheran Youth of Queensland) shirt. Sophie is ready to be apart of the team! First time ever for me sewing T-shirt material. It's a little different, but basically the same.

Welcome to my Washing Wonderland. That's right people, after six days in Sydney and coming back to a cloudy-rainy Brisbane, the dining room is now taken over by temporary clotheslines in the hopes that they will be effective enough that I don't have to go out and buy more clothes for Sophie. 

Steve comes home and says to me: "With rainy days, who needs bunting?" I think he'll find that everyone needs a bit of bunting in their lives, rainy days or no. :P

Anyway, glad to be back in Brisbane, no matter how dismal the weather may be. Strangely enough, after sleeping five nights straight in a different place each night with no troubles at all, last night, back in her real bed, Sophie woke up several times with no real explanation at all. A couple of times I got up to check on her, adjust the covers and what not, but there were also a couple of times I just let her cry for a bit and then head back into dream land. Unfortunately, though I didn't get out of bed, I was still awake. Today I'm all achey and I've got a migraine. :(

I made bread today for the first time. It is relatively easy, just a little time consuming what with waiting for it to rise just to beat it down again. I didn't want to have to go shopping with no car, though I'm sure I'd survive if I just went. Still, it was raining and grey, no one wants to be out in that, least of all me. Maybe tomorrow will be sunnier, and more productive. :)

Well I was planning on going for a walk today, but then it rained. Who knows, it's clearer now so I still might go, but while I've been trapped inside, here's what I've done:

Yep, made a quilt. I didn't use any particular pattern because I was going for a "scrappy" look, so I didn't get to practice any of my new found quilting skills. I did get to cut the pieces out with my rotary blade and used a ruler to measure them though, so I suppose that's something. I sewed all of the bits into strips and then the strips together. Then I just sewed the entire thing onto an old blanket we had lying around (possibly from Steve's childhood.... hope he won't be sentimental when he finds out...).

There is something very satisfying when you look at where it all came from and know that those hours at the sewing machine were worth something after all.

On Sunday, I managed to write off our car without even leaving the street. That deserves some recognition I think. Maybe an award for my stupidity. That'd be good.

In any case, now that we have no car I'm spending even more time making things, but generally trying to get ready for CLW, although the sewing/organizing for that is not nearly as interesting as just general sewing, despite the deadline, or maybe because of the deadline. :P 

Maybe I'll be more productive on it tomorrow, but for now, I'll continue to waste my time on fun hats for Sophie and a quilt for Cafe Church made from someone's old furniture material.

Last night's sermon by the fabulous Sean Conry was about our purpose in life.

1. Worship God
2. Help make God's Kingdom happen here and now

Pretty simple right? Anyway, one of the parables he highlighted was where Jesus compares the Kingdom of God to a mustard seed (Matthew 13:31&32), and another one where the farmers plant the seed and it just grows! This got me thinking a lot about my garden.

There are copious amounts of weeds in the garden. I feel like every time I pull some out - there are just as many next week. I don't plant them there. I don't water them and I don't do anything intentionally to help them grow. They just do. It will take an awfully long time before my weekly chipping away at the weed problem is finally solved in the garden.

And when I think about this in relation to my life, I know that I have loads of weeds growing there too. Things that I don't do intentionally and really only get watered by accident, but that grow up and choke the good things out. Like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. :P And it's going to take me a long time before I've cleared my life of these things so that other, more productive and beautiful things can grow.

Sometimes I know I'll neglect the weed maintenance of my life and I'll have so much more work to do when I get back to it, but God is good. In fact, he would not have allowed these things to crop up in my life if there were not some purpose for them. So when I am frustrated by the weeds in my real life garden, I can remember that all things work for the good of those who love God, and he has given me real life weeds to remind me to work out my spiritual life weeds.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Every Wednesday I make an effort to go to the prayer meeting at church. Sometimes I drop Sophie off at Mum and Dad's (when they are not travelling), otherwise she just comes with me. I love going to these meetings. I love it because everyone there is older than me. They have new and different (sometimes weird) perspectives on everything. They are ready to encourage me and are thankful that I want to be there. They remind me that it is possible to live a life for Jesus all the way through.

Last Wednesday I shared with them some of the fun family troubles and though they were not able to fix anything, their support was fabulous. Their willingness to pray for the situation just gave me so much peace. Thank you Jesus for providing such wonderful saints to encourage me.

Party Chain! 

Thanks to Melissa and Ron and the fabulous book they gave me for my birthday, I've been making party chain. First I cut up a lot of scrap material (thank you box of unending scraps!) into strips of two inches by eight inches (Inches! What is this? Quilting has ruined me I tell you!). Then I sew all the strips together in pairs, and then start the arduous task of turning them inside out. This takes a long time. Steve refused to help me, something about self inflicted pain.... anyway!

This time I ironed the strips flat to make them sit better. I was thinking after I did it (all 114 of them!) that it was a waste of my admittedly-not-so-precious time, but as I started sewing the chain has come together better.

Sewing the chain has to be done with hand sewing, but I like the change of pace. It's nice to just sit and sew... and be watching junk food TV like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. :) 

Small Blocks

Back from the huge weekend in Bundy and life just might return to normal soon. Sophie took the car trips well, only 5 mins of crying on the way up, and about 20 mins on the way back. She was exhausted by the sheer amount of adoring people and the crazy wind/blinding sun that was the wedding on Saturday, but pulled out alright. She looked fabulous in her dress. :)

I've been working on a few things lately  some of which I can't talk about because they will end up being Christmas presents (am I too organised?). Stay tuned for pictures of the party chain I sewed on the car trip to and from Bundy.

Today though, here are some of the quilt squares for the Block of the Month Quilt that Ruth and I are working on. :)

I've said it before and I'll say it again: do not sign me up for a Greek funeral. So much death and sadness. Blah!

So my Aunty Pat passed away last week and the funeral was on Thursday. I say my Aunty Pat, but what I really mean is my Great Aunty Aspasia (Greek families can be so vague with names and what not :P). So my Yia-yia's (grandmother's) brother's wife. Given that Mum and Dad are overseas I wanted to represent our small portion of the family there, so I said I'd go. Thought I was going to go just go to the first part (the Greek/English chanted service part and then leave before the walk around the coffin begins, or the trip to the crematorium is taken or the wake afterwards (despite all that delicious Greek food)), but I ended up at all of it. See, I ended up taking my Yia-yia.

So the morning of the funeral comes, and Yia-yia has told me that Aunt Alexandra will be well enough to take her to the funeral. Past experience has taught me that this will not be the case. So I call at 8:30 and find out that indeed, Aunt Alexandra is too sick to travel, so I offer to pick up Yia-yia.

We get to the funeral fine, God provided us with a fabulous park in the very full car park for which I am truly thankful (what with Yia-yia and her walker and me with Sophie in a pram). Yia-yia wants me to sit up the front with her and her brother and all of that family, which I manage to get out of (thank you Sophie!), and after installing her in that front seat, I take a side seat and sit back to watch.

While doing this, I begin to think about things. I had thought to be leaving early, but that was not going to happen now. The service started at 10:00, the walk around the coffin took until 11:30 and as those people all file past the coffin and the family in that front row to say their condolences, I see my early escape slip out the window. I had to go to Mum and Dad's to pick up a letter, I had to go to the bank, I had  to get a birthday present, I had to do the groceries.

But here I was stuck at a funeral for someone I met a handful of times and only have one vague memory of. Thinking that I'm representing my bit of family when actually, I'm bringing shame to my bit of family because although I did put on the black dress today, I walked out of the house with my bright blue thongs on. Everyone else has their black stilettos and heals on. I saw the looks: "Who is that girl.... and what is she wearing on her feet??"

Sigh. So I'm there grumbling. People are in the midst of grief and I'm grumbling about everything. The inconvenienced of having to take my Yia-yia, my well laid plans out the window, my poor shoe choice, everything. So I start praying. God please give me Jesus attitude, let me see the opportunities you have provided here for me. Help me to do your will and represent Jesus!

And what do you know, God does hear me, and reminds me of something. I only have my Yia-yia left. My other grandparents are gone. Both my Grandma and my Pa-pou (grandfather) died after some time in hospital, and I visited both of them in hospital only a few days before they did. I guess I have a certain amount of regret about that, because on both occasions, I feel I should have taken the chance to talk about Jesus with them and I didn't take it.

Now, here I am, taking my Yia-yia to a funeral - what better way to start a conversation! I've got a whole half hour car trip back to Indooroopilly with her after this. I need to stop grumbling. I need to be patient with my Yia-yia. Hooray! Despite my blue thongs I feel revived. Yes, God is good, all the time.

So we go into the wake. My Aunty Anna and Aunty Eva are there. Yia-yia wants me to sit at the head table with her, but I've got Sophie in a pram that's just not going to fit. I want to sit with Aunty Anna and Aunty Eva who I've not seen for a while (and, if I'm honest, have more interesting conversation). Aunty Eva and Yia-yia hate each other and won't speak. I'm juggling back and forth between two conversations before Uncle Nick (Yia-yia's brother) returns and takes Yia-yia to the family table with him. Then I'm juggling two conversations across the room. Thankfully Sophie decided she was right to fall asleep at that point.

My newfound purpose is slowly being chipped away and I'm getting tired again. I don't  want to be here. It's now after one and I've got things to do. So I'm praying and trying to be patient. We leave at 1:30, and while Yia-yia had been relativity lively while she sits with Uncle Nick, now she just wants to complain about everything. Too much food, too many people, and Aunty Eva... don't get me started. So I'm going way out of my way to drive her back to Indooroopilly praying desperately that I'll be able to share the gospel with her and instead, I'm grumpy. And I'm so grumpy that I don't.

What have I learned today from God? Clearly nothing.

I am just as in need of grace as ever before.

Sally is back! She just needed a clean and now her thread tension issue is all gone. I spent all of yesterday sewing; and I mean all of yesterday. The coolest thing I made was a dress for Sophie to wear to Kristan's wedding in two weeks. She's still so little and I know it won't fit for long, but it's super cute.

I am really proud of the end product (although you can tell it's home made if you look closely) because I had to make the pattern myself. There are not a lot of dress patterns for little girls under 18 months, I guess because really, they are a little impractical for that first year. I took inspiration from The Itty Bitty Baby Dress, and The Party Dress (both free patterns found online) and then did some juggling to make the final dress. I really wanted a sash with a bow, but given that Sophie lies on her back most of the time, it would be quite uncomfortable, so it will have to wait.

Look she likes it! It's a little big, but that's ok. All the material was hand me downs from my Mum (will the supply never run out? Here's hoping!) and I've still got a huge chunk of that blue flowery stuff left, so be prepared for more dresses in that. :)

The bunting for under the shelves turned out quite nicely. The scalloped stuff is less intrusive than the triangles. :)

Itty Bitty Baby Dress: http://www.made-by-rae.com/2008/04/free-itty-bitty-baby-dress-pattern/
The Party Dress: http://thecottagehome.blogspot.com.au/2011/01/party-dress-printable-pattern-and.html

This is possibly our quickest reno/house improvement yet. On Saturday, the living room looked like this:

Yep - new desk and TV cabinet, I feel like the living room has never had so much space because they are both thinner than our previous desk and TV cabinet. To complete this, we were putting up shelves (thank you IKEA) to fill the space above the desk and give us more storage.

Now the living room looks like this:

Look at all those DVDs (and that's not all of them - the kids ones are in the drawer of the TV cabinet). Look at the space potential and the extra display shelf I've got. Hooray! Now, the bookshelf, that the DVDs were on, can be used for books! It might just be too crazy right?

I'm also dreaming of the bunting I can make to loop along the shelf brackets which are just calling out for it. When Sally is back I promise!!

Yesterday, I took Sally the Sewing Machine into get a service. It was time that her thread tension issue became a thing of the past, and given than I think she's about 10 years old, it was probably time for a check up. She's gone for two weeks now. Two whole weeks!! What am I to do?? Part of me considered just using Olivia the Overlocker for standard sewing as well, but it is a bit risky. Better not.

So this morning I've painted the door jambs (the new ones that went in when we got our new doors put on) and I think I'll wash up and then maybe finish playing StarCraft 2: Heart of the Swarm, which by the way, has been considerably disappointing in the story line aspects.

I've been reading "No Wonder They Call Him the Savior" by Max Lucado in my quiet times recently. I've read it before, actually, I've owned it for nearly 10 years now, but it's always a thought provoker. This time I noticed something pretty basic.

I've always called the book "No Wonder They Call Him Savior". Maybe I was just trying to make it shorter in conversation or in my hasty reading style, maybe I never saw that extra word, but I've noticed it in the title now; "No Wonder They Call Him the Savior".

Those three little letters make all the difference. Jesus isn't one of the many saviors, he's not an optional extra. He is the savior. You can't sit on the fence about this one. Jesus is the only way. There is no believing in Jesus and following Buddha. You can't try to take a bit of everything. With Jesus it's all or nothing.

At the Deacons meeting on Saturday, Mark had us read through John 21:15-17. We then turned to the person next to each other and asked the question that Jesus asked Peter.

"Do you love Jesus?"

Three times.

What a challenge  Because I love Jesus, but I also love other things. Things that are actually taking my time away from loving Jesus. Do I truly love Jesus?

Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze

If that's the measure you must take to crush the idols

Anything I put before my God is an idol

Anything I want with all my heart is an idol

And anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol

And anything that I give all my love is an idol

- Clear the Stage by Jimmy Needham

I'm alone in the universe. So alone in the universe.

Today I had some ladies that I did antenatal classes with over for afternoon tea (not my idea, but I figured if it was going to go ahead, I'd rather be somewhere comfortable that had a change table readily available). Only three of the ladies came with their bubs; a three month, an eight week and a six week. Everything was ready, afternoon tea (carrot sticks and cream cheese, grapes and shortbread), floor swept and play mats out.

Sophie was the only one to use a play mat. The other mothers held their babies the entire time (the six week old had only had his immunizations today and has bad reflux and slept for only two hours last night, so I can kinda see that, but the others...). Even if their kids fell asleep. And they all sat, even if it meant awkwardly rocking while sitting in a non-rocking chair. We talked about babies. How long they are sleeping, what feeding is like, how their dads are with them etc. They stayed for two hours and didn't eat a thing.

I tried to start other conversations. "What are you doing in the idle hours?"; "I've been doing a fair bit of sewing..." etc. In vain. These other mums apparently don't have any time to do things. They said that if they have an hour or two it's spent cleaning the house (dishes, dishes, dishes). Or they just don't do other things.

What is wrong with me? I felt like the strangest person there. With my content daughter on her mat and my clean house and my sewing projects on the go - I was an alien who had landed in the middle of these apparently normal mothers. Where are the mothers like me? Are they somewhere out there? Or am I destined to feel like I don't belong for the rest of my mothering days?

Some days I toy with the idea of finding a mothers group. Then I think of experiences just like this one and feel I'd be safer at home where no one can make me feel like the outsider (albeit unintentionally).

Planning Stages

To help fill the hours this year, I've been doing a lot of sewing (as you may or may not have seen already :P) and have delved into the exciting world of craft stuff that is found online. One such site is called craftsy.com. This is an online world where sewers and crafts people alike can gather and share and what not. They also offer a number of online tutorials, some costing money and some free.

I've signed up to take one of the latter tutorials called "Block of the Month". Each month I get the pattern and instructions on making a quilt block that will eventually be apart of a whole quilt. I also get to see videos on how to make these blocks, just in case. I think it will be good for me to actually learn how to quilt, rather than making it up as I go like usual. :)

This is my basic plan. The colors are just rough guides for what will eventually be there. I need 33 fat quarters (pieces of patterned material to use), which will make up the quilt top. I assigned each a number (after organizing them in color order) and then thought about where I'd like what colors. Hopefully I've not made any serious mistakes and it will all come together beautifully. Tomorrow begins the actual sewing of Block 1!

Car Mat

Inspired by all the possibilities that sewing with felt can bring, I spent a few hours yesterday morning making these:

Super cute when rolled up, and when unrolled they have almost unlimited car playing potential!

The green strip has dividing sewing which would allow for 6 cars (probably matchbox sized) to be stored in. The "road" section is just black felt with white felt stripes. I had a fight with Sally to get her to do the zig-zag stitches but we managed it in the end. The thread tension is still an issue between us some days. :P All in all, I think it's a cool way to transport cars for little boy's playing pleasure. I hope Cooper likes his.

The pressure is on. Well, maybe it's always been on, but I'm feeling it more now. What pressure? I hear you ask; well let me tell you: The pressure of having actual people read this blog. Back in the olden days when I began this, I would probably write whatever nonsense that I cared for, not considering the consequences my words might have on the world at large.

Now, however, I do feel that burden. I feel I can't write about somethings that weigh heavily on me because they would be taken the wrong way, or even the right way. I feel that every post must have some actual depth to it, rather than being meaningless babble. I can't post too much about this, or that or people will think I'm crazy, or hopeless, or whatever.

Blogging has suddenly become quite hard, but I guess I'll just keep trying my best. Sophie believes in me. She's been learning to smile at cameras, thanks to the somewhat excessive amount she sees them at her grandparents house.

This morning I completed something I've been tossing around for a while (ok, maybe a week and a half) and I feel like it came out really well. Maybe spending time thinking about what you are going to do before you do it does affect the end product. :P

So this is what it looks like. I used some ribbon that was on a present Fiona is giving Sophie for Easter and I'm sure some people will recognize the polka dots. Also used some more of the bias binding that Mum donated to the Paula-sews fund. 

When you open it up, you see this. Pretty boring right? What kind of a thing have I made my daughter anyhow? But if you flip to the back....

... you see this! And inside the pink pocket ...

... is this! All sorts of crazy bits of felt that I spent some time this morning cutting up. And with the felt you can be all creative and do ...

... this! Ok, I'm not that creative, but I'm sure my children will be. All in all I'm really happy with the finished product. As always it has it's small glitches. Sally the Sewing Machine can't get thread tension right, so the zig-zag's are messy, and the binding is a little too thin to cover the overclocked edge, but I changed the thread colours to match (most of the time) and even pinned before I sewed (most things). Well done me. :) 

It is beautiful and cool in the mornings when the sun is out. I love the quiet and the birds and the sun filtering through the windows. It's rather poetic. Morning is when Sophie is most content to lie around and investigate the world on her own. Morning has a lot of promise for the new day.

This week has been busy, or rather full. I've been working on finishing Activity Bags for when I have toddlers (talk about being organised). I've seen Ruth, done the shopping and I also went to prayer on Wednesday. Steve and I went to Ikea last night to sus out TV cabinet options.

I like being home and being a mum, but filling the week is a challenge and I don't know what I'd do if the week weren't full. It's easy to struggle with depression and ... I don't know. It must be the hardest thing about suddenly being at home all the time.

Last week, I noticed that Steve's "Mr Leigh" towel which we got from the Lee's for our engagement had some holes in it. Rather than throw away this lovely towel, I used the binding that mum gave me (though I doubt she had this purpose in mind) to make what was not-holey into washers and hand towels.