Do I want to be with you as the years come and go?
Only forever if you care to know.
Would I grant all your wishes and be proud of the task,
Only forever if someone should ask.
How long would it take me to be near if you beckon,
Offhand I would figure, less than a second.
Do you think Ill remember how you looked when you smiled,
Only forever, thats putting it mild.

A little bit of Frank Sinatra for you - i did try to find it on Youtube but they didn't have it there!!

Update number 2.

Well i'm home from hospitial now which is definatly a step towards recovery. I went in yesterday, they put me in a gown, put me to sleep (i laughed while they jabbed the needle into my are and then shuffled it aroung trying to find a vein before starting again in a different place.) and when i woke up i had a new plast and they were looking after me in recovery.

i got wheeled to my ward where anything i tried to drink (water) just got chucked back up again, so i settled with not having any dinner. Steve came to visit me, as did mum and dad which was nice, but i was still sleepy from the morphine. I had a low blood pressure which they checked every half hour to make sure it was still low, and then when the nurses changed at 12am, they decided to do something about it and my bed was tilted up, a new drip put in and i was encouraged to drink more.

After the night of broken sleep i woke up and ate some breakfast and the talkitive lady in the next bed kept talking to me as i slept and read. Then i was sent down to the physio people who re-mealted my splint and gave it back to me again. Steve came to visit and we sat in the lounge for a while before he left and i went out and got picked up by dad.

All in all, i'm closer to recovery than ever, 2 new screws in my hand and a nice scar on the back. :) in 1 week i go back for physio and i can start using my hand again! yay!

Today marks one year and 6 mths sice Steve and i started going out. I get sick of people asking me how long we have been going out because to me it dosen't matter so much, Steve and I are together so who cares for how long right? But I was talking to Carl, a friend from work, on friday night, and he said to me that 18 mths isnt much when you've been with someone for 10 years but at the same time it was an achievement, because in the world today, people tend to take the easy way out when it comes to relationships and hardly anyone, it seems, wants to approach problems and try to work through them before they give up. [man i write long sentences]

I don't really know where i'm going with this exccept that i'm thankful that Steve is the kind of guy who wants to try to fix things rather than just walk away. I also think that we would be no where near where we are now in our relationship if it wern't for God, because to me, he is the ultimate example of comittment. This sounds all crazy and comittal, but when I see the kids at afterschool care and notice how in playing red letter suddenly they have an option about which of their parents names they have to use i wonder at all the things that have changed since i was a kid and then looking after my own kids to come suddenly seems like an arduous task. [can you tell i'm still in assignment mode?]

How on earth will i cope having to bring up children when all these new issues get worse in another 5 years? All i can say is that I think thats why God made parenting a 2 person job. And i'm so glad that even if i fail as a parent to my kids, God will never walk away from them, just like he never walked away from me.

So, with things the way they are, i'm thankful that in my relationship God is the one I love the most. And i'm thankful that he has given me some one as caring, kind, thoughtful, manly and most of all Godly, as Steve, to love as well.

update time!!

so my hand remains broken, and will probably do so for some time yet. i went to see the hand surgon last friday and he told me i had a spiral fracture on my third bone in my right hand. this, he told me, needs surgery to fix. So i'm booked in for the 29th of may (next tuesday) to get 2 screws placed in my hand so that it will heal nicely. he tells me i'll also have a nice scar. :)

After he told me the most depressing news (i wont be able to use my hand for at least 2 mths) i sent me across the hall to get a fancy new splint which is loads lighter and brighter than the first one was. it looks a bit like this:



my hand with out said funky new cast looks a bit like this:



some nice bruising if i do say so myself so i hope you can see it :)

finally on a more serious note, my 2 exams are getting deffered untill start of next semester and so the only things to overcome are writing japanese with my left hand and typing my 2500 word opera assignment with one hand. God is great and though i am pressed, i'm not crushed.

thanks to everyone who has been praying.

this post is going to take a long time for me to type. this is because i'm typing one handed. why you ask? i'll tell you why...

last night, i was leaving a work training session on work place health and safty when i tripped over on some uneven cement and hurt my fingers. ouch, i thought, and while my hand got number and number, and i realised i couldn't grip the stearing wheel, i called my home and fiona and dad came and got me.

we went home and dad got his wallet and then we drove to mater to get looked at. we didn't wait too long but it was about an hr later that they told me that i had broken a bone in my hand and that they would splint it and send me to a hand sergon to get it seen too. it was then that i asked for some pain killer, so that when they were pushing my hand into the right shape it wouldn't hurt, but they said "ok, we will give you some to take home" :P

i laughed hysterically while they plastered my hand.

now i'm at home with an appointment for the hand dr tomorrow, and the depressing thought that i might be facing exams with only a usable left hand. :(

any prayer would be much appreciated.

One thing i've noticed with kids, and espcially last friday when we were all cooped up in the hall, is that when one hurts another purposly, they will run away. But when someone accidently trips someone else, or wacks them with a ball, the first thing they do is come over and say sorry and make sure they are alright.

Made me think, the last time i hurt someone - did i run away, or i was i there asking if they were alright?

I am not a fan of Psalm 23. In fact, I’d go as far to say that I don’t like it. At all. For me, it’s way too lovely and well known, as well as being an odd number. Give me Psalm 24, or 148 any day, but “The lord is my shepherd,” meh, lucky us. I’ve heard that so many times that I don’t want to hear it any more. But in reality, so often, that is what I do need to hear.

But just because I know the words with my head – does that mean I don’t need to know them as a message for my heart?

Psalm 23 contains so many promises that God has given us. It provides a more than adequate description of who we are, and who God is to us. But with every time we hear this Psalm and all it’s metaphorical glory, it’s another time that we let the awesome promises of God fade into every day repetition.

So when I realised that this was what God wanted me to talk about today, I had to dig deep to find the patience to listen to God as he taught me not to just dismiss something I have heard a few thousand times, but to really take the words from my head to my heart and know them as his message to me.

Promise 1: the lord is my shepherd

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.”

Line one could almost be a summary for the rest of the Psalm. And sadly today I’m probably going to let it. There just isn’t enough time to talk in detail about every line of this psalm, so bare with me as I try to take just a few and really discover what God has for us.

Dictionary.com defines a shepherd as “one who herds, guards, tends and guides sheep”. And if that’s what the Lord does for me, then really, I don’t need anything.

In this life, God is looking after me. Just as king David would have looked after his sheep when he was a youth, God wants to look after me. He wants to take us all, in our flock, to the green meadows by the streams where we can rest and renew our strength for his glory. I don’t need to worry about where I’m going, or who is coming. I don’t need to consider that there might not be enough food for us all there, or even stress about where everyone will be sleeping. Jesus says (Matt 6) don’t worry about your clothes, don’t worry about your food. “Look at the birds, the father feeds them, and aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?” God is herding us to safety. Trust him and there is a lot less to worry about.

The Lord, my shepherd is also guarding me from danger. Even though I am walking somewhere new, somewhere I might not know, even somewhere dark that makes me scared for my life, God is there. The truth is that we are all walking thought a dark valley like this. The world is full of sin and we are living here. Thankfully God is our shepherd and is guiding us so we don’t fall. When we continually rely on our shepherd to guide us, falling is much harder.

The lord our shepherd is not only guiding us to safety, protecting us from danger and making sure we stick to the path, but he is also filling our lives with blessings. Our cups are overflowing with the wine he is pouring us. He is anointing our heads with oil. This is so significant for a shepherd because oil keeps the sheep safe from bugs which are deterred by the smell, as well as cleaning the wounds sustained in the days travel. God really is looking after us!

More than that, anointing with oil is used continually through the bible. Saul and David are both anointed as kings, Jesus the Christ or Messiah in Jewish or Greek translates as the Anointed one. In Acts the apostles anoint people when they appoint them places of responsibility and honour caring for the rest of the flock. 1st Peter calls us to live like anointed people of God.

What an honour it is to know that God, our shepherd is guiding us, keeping us safe, taking our fears and worries away and then on top of that anointing us as an honour! He loves us so much that he wants to bend down and anoint us as part of his flock!

The key to all of these promises found in only the first line of this Psalm, is that we need to believe it. We can all repeat the line “the Lord is my Shepherd” as much as we like, but taking it from knowledge in our head to a belief in our heart is another matter.

It says in Luke 12: “Don’t be concerned about what to eat and drink, your father already knows your needs.” God already knows our needs and he is providing for us more than is adequate. Because God is our shepherd, the one who is there to look after us and see we make it home safely we don’t need to worry, we don’t need to fear, we have all we need.

Promise 2: God’s love pursues us

I’d like to share with you now something I learnt when I was in Japan. This was probably about September of 2004 and I would have been in Japan for about 7 or so months. My best friend was a girl called Haruka who used to catch the train with me every day.

As well as catching the train with me everyday she was in my class, so we spent quiet a lot of time together. When I got stressed out about not understanding or assignments, she would be the one who would help me out.

One day she was feeling sick, so to say "thanks for putting up with me and i hope you feel better" after school, I went to the shops and got her a hair tie, and the I went to the train station, and I waited at the entrance that I thought she would come in by.

Now, as I was standing there in the cold, waiting, I had all these doubts nagging at me; "what if she felt so sick she went home early and I’m waiting for a person who will never come?" "What if she uses a different entrance?" "What if I didn’t see her come round?" Train stations in Japan are huge, and any one of these things could have happened.

And it occurred to me that that’s what Jesus was probably like, waiting for me to come round, to realise that He was the only way and all I needed.

He had Satan going "She’s not coming, I’ve managed to trick her to go the other way with some chocolate" "She's not coming, she’s already gotten on the train going in the other direction."

And it was tough for Him to stand there, waiting for me, as all the busy people brushed passed Him, nocked Him down, stood on Him and ripped His clothes, He stood there anyway because He believed I would come. He knew I would eventually come and He loved me enough to wait for me to come - no matter how many detours I took - no matter how late I was.

When I read Psalm 23, and the last verse, it reminded me of this story. Of how much Jesus went through to wait for me, but also how much love he had to have for me to do it. But, that last verse has much more than Jesus waiting for us. He’s not just standing around knowing that eventually we will come by.

The line reads: “Surely your goodness and unfailing love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.”

The final passage of this Psalm is probably the one we cling to most. God’s love will follow us. But actually, the word follow has a better interpretation. The original Hebrew word translates better to the English word pursue.

Put that in the phrase and re-read it. “Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life…” Jesus is not just waiting around for us, he is not just following us, he is pursuing us. He is chasing us down with everything he has. He wants so much to bring us home to him. God doesn’t want to see any of us fall away, he wants us so much for us to be the sons and daughters he created us to be.

God wants us to live in his house forever, where we belong. Luke 12 says: “don’t be afraid little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the kingdom.” That is the inheritance that God has planned for us – his kingdom, it’s where he wants to us to be and like a shepherd with his sheep, he is going to guide us, tend to us, protect us, and pursue us with his love, so that we can be there with him.

I have 2 questions for you today: are you going to believe the promises of Psalm 23 or will they just stay as ones you know in your head but don’t take to heart?

Is the Lord your shepherd?

This sort of thing
This sort of dream
This is what I’d want for
If saying no to my dreams
Wasn’t the easiest way.

All of these
Most of those
And even sometimes
When I’m not pretending
That where I want to be is anywhere but here

Translate me
And make sense
Of the rubbish I say
Make my heart
And my direction
Clear for where you want me

This sort of thing
This sort of dream
Could it be what is meant for me?

Give me your dream Lord
Even when I don’t believe that
Your dream can come true
For me.

Something i've read before many times was in my journal reading tonight and God in his glory really spoke to me and helped me understand more than just the story.

"And the seeds that fell on the good soil represent honest, good-hearted people who hear God's word, cling to it and patiently produce a huge harvest." [Luke 8:15]

To hear God's word: Am I listening and ready to hear God speak to me through his word, through his people or am I too busy doing things?

To cling to it: When i hear it - do i remember? when i read it - am i taking it in? Is God's word and truth the basis of my life and the document i can refrence with his Spirit?

To patiently Produce: am i helping others to grow? To produce we need to water, nurture, train, prune and love. Am i using God's strength to do so? It's not a quick growth but a slow process. Am i helping the harvest?

Lord, use me as a good soil! I want you to grow in me.

Well Show one is over. My Goodness, i'm exaushted. I think the continuall rehursals over the last 2 and a half mths and the insane build up to the first show has finally hit me. Even when i left i thought i was ok, but it's just hit me.

What also has hit me was the amazing amount of support that i have in my family and my frineds. Everyone else has about... 20 people max coming to see them, and alot of thoes haven't booked yet. I have 14 plus 18 plus 24 people coming to see me and they are the people who have booked.

God has really blessed my life with people who are here to help me and support me. Even though i so often seem to suffer from too many friends syndrome and have to say no and feel bad about not being able to be there for everyone (including being in 4 places at once) my friends amazingly still want to stand by me.

So thank you to everyone who came, is coming and is continuing to support me in this show and almost everything else i attempt to do. Special mention to Steve who somehow ends up being last on my list of people to see, but manages to love me none the less. Thank you.

Man I love hanging out with people who love God just as much as me. Needless to say, camp was awesome!! I woke up thinking - Yeah! camp is finally here!! - on Monday and i was not wrong. Camp was there and it was fantastic!! Following Steve up proved he had a strange obsession with going around round about a few too many times, and after a short, but scary moment where everyone in my car appreciated their assurance of salvation, we made it up to camp.

Not really needing to be there at 10 in the morning, most of Monday was spent having free time. :D the morning was filled with some quality jam sessions with me on Piano, Elizabeth on flube and Kris on Guitar, with random people singing in the back ground. After we tired of this, Elizabeth and I went to "town" and picked up some fish and chips for everyone.

By the time we finished lunch, Jasmine's car full of girls arrived and we played games untill about 2:00 when it was free time at QUT camp, so we wandered down to vist some people. We played volleyball for a bit, I had a chat with Jim (man he's a wise guy :)), we were invited to afternoon tea and then we headed back up to chill out some more. During this chill out, the power went off (which included the pumps that gave us water) and i had to drive to "town" again to pick some up. On the way back - the power came back on :P

At 6 we wandered down to the LINC camp where we were having dinner and our final campers arrived. The 2 americans were in mourning as their team had lost the superbowl. That night after dinner, we played a number of funky games (Rachel has an endless supply of them!!) including the snort game, the wah game and the story game. :D

During this whole time, we ate huge amounts of chocolate and sugar and ended up not going to be untill rather late. Nathaniel got eaten alive by mozzies and text emily at 3 am telling her he hated this place. Rachel put in a vote for a "bug free" campsite next year :P i keep telling her that while she's in Australia - there is no such place :D

The rest of camp (sorry melissa i'm loosing detail) was just as much fun. Ross's talks on Vision and Evanglisim were really insitful. Ross has the nickname "Reverend Ross" becuase he spent a year as an intern just following his pastor around, thinking about becoming a preist. Our training on Surveys and sharing the KGP (which inspired this moment) went fantasticlly, as did our planning for 0-week. I really feel like i have a great team this year ready for us to share the excitement of God on campus.

Memorable moments included:
Falling out of bed on the first night. on the way down i smacked my chin dead onto the chair beside the bed (i was on the bottom bunk) before my knees hit the floor. Elizabeth woke up and asked if i was ok. by that time i was kneeling on the floor still trying to decide.

Ross putting Abby's pen up his nose, and when we noticed Abby saying "that's my pen!" but when Ross tried to give it back to her, the quick correction to "that WAS my pen"

The endless number of Cups and chocolate wrappers that were left around as we spent our days binging on tea and chocolate. (humm chocolate!)

Fun moments included:
Playing Marfia untill unGodly hours of the night, trying to convince Nathaniel that he shouldn't kill me becuase i was the Cop and Emily being a cold marfia for the 4th time in the row.

Abby doing kungfu streaches at 6:30 in the morning while Jazz and i ate "before breakfast" sinckers. (hummm chocolate)

Singing Happy birthday to Nathaneil while he was still in bed on Tuesday morning. Suprising him at morning tea with a cake, eating all but one peice which was left for Steve (the maker of the cake) which Nathaniel promptly forgot and ate 2 hours later.

Edgar doing a great job of vaccuming the whole place we made a mess of, and the amazing way we all cleaned it up so well.



Bring on 2007 at Griffith!! we are ready to take the campsus for Christ!!

after yet again breaking my car some more i feel like i have the most serious case of human stupidity ever. I really just want to skip all this learning and all this chaning and all this stupidness and go straight to the way God sees me. Why can't i fast forward the growing and just stand before God and have him say "you are just how i always imgained"?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZG1en6IZZY&mode=related&search=

[i was going to be fancy and put in a link, but i'm too silly :P]

13/01/07

Hebrews 11:39
"All of these people earned a good repuatation because of their faith, yet not one of them recieved all that God had promised."

Faith is so hard in itself, but even harder to comprehend is that when it comes to God, sometimes we aren't going to live to see what he promises us.

Yet no one laughed at the memory of Abraham, Jacob, etc, after they died, saying they had wasted their lives for something that didn't come, on the contray, even though it did come to pass later on, they were considered to have great faith not great stupidity, for believing in something they never saw.

God I want a faith like that!

I don't want to be worried that people will laugh at me now, like people laughed at Noah when he was building the ark, but I want to follow you so much that when I die and your judgement comes, people will say - so that's what she was waiting for.

My Timetable

s2172767

My timetable is as yet unfinished. It currently spans over 4 days, many hours and also includes a clash :D

Yay for uni!

The grass is green,
The sky is blue,
There's not a cloud,
To spoil the view,
But it's raining,
It's raining,
In my heart.

Criteria for getting into Heaven

1. Believe in Jesus
2. Repent of your sins
3. let Jesus take control

So many people want to know what it takes to get to Heaven. They keep trying to do "good things" or "the right thing", but who knows how much of that will get you over the line?

When it comes to these three steps, it's easy for people to do the frist and even the second step. Believing in God is something that comes easily to us. Acnowlaging we have done wrong, if only in private, is also something most of us can get our minds around.

Step 3 on the other hand is hard. Who wants to let go? Still, if you wnat to take the first step seriously enough, why not?

People are strange and i don't try to understnad them and i'm not sure this post is making sense... but it's what i'm thinking about.

This is an Excellent Song :D

So long and thanks for all the fish
So sad that it should come to this
We tried to warn you all but oh dear

You may not share our intellect
Which might explain your disrespect
For all the natural wonders that grow (around you)
So long so long and thanks for all the fish

The world’s about to be destroyed
There’s no point getting all annoyed
Lie back and let the world dissolve (around you)

Despite those nets of tuna fleetes
We thought most of you were sweet
Especially tiny tots and your pregnant women

So long so long, so long so long, so long so long, so long so long
So long so long, so long so long, so long so long, so long so long
So long so long and thanks for all the fish

If I had just one last wish
I would like a tasy fish
If we could just change one thing
We would all have learnt to sing

Come one and all
Man and mammal
Side by side in life's great gene pool

So long so long, so long so long, so long so long, so long so long
So long so long, so long so long, so long so long, so long so long
So long so long and thanks for all the fish

I'm Back :)

Yep, back from Bundy yesterday. It's a long drive, even when you have others in the car, although i have to say that i've done fantastically in buying my car, becuase it made it up to bundy on a half a tank of petrol! :) weee!!

I guess i'm not really here to say much important, but i'd like to reflect on something that i've started recently (before the new year :D hehehe).

Journaling. I've wanted to get into it for a while - probabaly since the start of the year - or in april or something, but i was sorta never able to get into the habbit of writing, or reading or having time with God. I think in that respect Project really helped, beucase every day we had time for it. There was a whole hour and a half for us to do a quiet time in. Doing it every day, and then seeing how i could fit it in, how much it helped and how much it got me into God's word really made the difference. Now i do it every day.

I will probably fail at some point (espcially when uni starts and life is busy again), and i'm not braging that i've done 27 days in a row (almost a month!!), but it is something that has made a difference to God's part of my life. Brining him in every day is so important, and when i make a point to do it in one part - journalling - he is usually so much more present in the other parts - as he should be. (look at my new addiction to dashes!! --- :P)

If you do nothing in the new year - be committed to God.

This is my fantastic big country Sista Sarah looking so cute as Fiona takes her photo at mt Cootha. (woah this is a great song!! long time no... hear... :D) Fiona and Sarah did a bit of a day trip while my parents picked up steve, they went to Mt Cootha and then over to a servo to by chocolates. Then they went to the local fire station and gave the chocolate to the fire guys. The Firemen were fairly shocked (as i imagine i would have been :P) but overall, it was a great guesture done by fiona and sarah and i'm proud of both of my sisters. :D (i think they have plans to do the ambulance people next Christmas... or is that next public holiday??)



I still can't believe Fiona wanted to take this, but this is the start of Christmas day at my house. :) Big moment in history for the life of Paula, but how pretty does she look while it's happeneing!! :D







The classic: everyone try to squeese in and smile :D My sisters are so beautiful. :)

For Melissa :D

Back in the New Testament
Parody of "Back in the U.S.S.R." performed by the Beatles and written by John Lennon & Paul McCartney (Matthew 5:17, Galatians 3:24-25, 2 Timothy 3:16)

Ooh I finally finished readin' the O-L-D Hebrew Testament last night
All the way I prayed that God would have mercy
Man, I'm glad that we've got Christ
I'm back in the New Testament
You don't know what you got till it's gone, boy
Back in the New Testament

Genesis was long -- I hardly noticed it
Gee, it didn't seem that long
Three weeks later on I'm stuck in Exodus
Wonderin' what the heck went wrong
I'm back in the New Testament
With Matthew, Mark, Luke and then John, boy
Acts of the Apostles, next the Epistles
Last the Apocalypse of John

Well, the Jewish laws came from God's own mouth
Please don't get me wrong
But God's own Son came to live 'em out
He told us that in Ma-ma-matthew 5 verse 17 all along

I'm back in the New Testament
We're only half done with this song, boy
Back in the New Testament

Well, you can't have Jesus Christ without
The Old Testament
The Law was given to point sin out
And lead us all to Christ - Galatians 3:24-25, my oh my

Moses' laws, the Psalms and Prophets they all count
Take them as your Daddy's word
Genesis through Malachi - I read them all
But admit that I prefer
To be back in the New Testament
You don't know what you got till it's gone, boy
Back in the New Testament

*NOTE: To get this song to rhyme correctly, whenever the word "Testament" appears in the chorus, you should pronounce it like this: "Test-a-MONT," so it sounds kind of French. Try it; it works! When the word appears in the verse, just pronounce it the regular way.

Matthew 5:17
"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them."