I'm alone in the universe. So alone in the universe.

Today I had some ladies that I did antenatal classes with over for afternoon tea (not my idea, but I figured if it was going to go ahead, I'd rather be somewhere comfortable that had a change table readily available). Only three of the ladies came with their bubs; a three month, an eight week and a six week. Everything was ready, afternoon tea (carrot sticks and cream cheese, grapes and shortbread), floor swept and play mats out.

Sophie was the only one to use a play mat. The other mothers held their babies the entire time (the six week old had only had his immunizations today and has bad reflux and slept for only two hours last night, so I can kinda see that, but the others...). Even if their kids fell asleep. And they all sat, even if it meant awkwardly rocking while sitting in a non-rocking chair. We talked about babies. How long they are sleeping, what feeding is like, how their dads are with them etc. They stayed for two hours and didn't eat a thing.

I tried to start other conversations. "What are you doing in the idle hours?"; "I've been doing a fair bit of sewing..." etc. In vain. These other mums apparently don't have any time to do things. They said that if they have an hour or two it's spent cleaning the house (dishes, dishes, dishes). Or they just don't do other things.

What is wrong with me? I felt like the strangest person there. With my content daughter on her mat and my clean house and my sewing projects on the go - I was an alien who had landed in the middle of these apparently normal mothers. Where are the mothers like me? Are they somewhere out there? Or am I destined to feel like I don't belong for the rest of my mothering days?

Some days I toy with the idea of finding a mothers group. Then I think of experiences just like this one and feel I'd be safer at home where no one can make me feel like the outsider (albeit unintentionally).

Planning Stages

To help fill the hours this year, I've been doing a lot of sewing (as you may or may not have seen already :P) and have delved into the exciting world of craft stuff that is found online. One such site is called craftsy.com. This is an online world where sewers and crafts people alike can gather and share and what not. They also offer a number of online tutorials, some costing money and some free.

I've signed up to take one of the latter tutorials called "Block of the Month". Each month I get the pattern and instructions on making a quilt block that will eventually be apart of a whole quilt. I also get to see videos on how to make these blocks, just in case. I think it will be good for me to actually learn how to quilt, rather than making it up as I go like usual. :)

This is my basic plan. The colors are just rough guides for what will eventually be there. I need 33 fat quarters (pieces of patterned material to use), which will make up the quilt top. I assigned each a number (after organizing them in color order) and then thought about where I'd like what colors. Hopefully I've not made any serious mistakes and it will all come together beautifully. Tomorrow begins the actual sewing of Block 1!

Car Mat

Inspired by all the possibilities that sewing with felt can bring, I spent a few hours yesterday morning making these:

Super cute when rolled up, and when unrolled they have almost unlimited car playing potential!

The green strip has dividing sewing which would allow for 6 cars (probably matchbox sized) to be stored in. The "road" section is just black felt with white felt stripes. I had a fight with Sally to get her to do the zig-zag stitches but we managed it in the end. The thread tension is still an issue between us some days. :P All in all, I think it's a cool way to transport cars for little boy's playing pleasure. I hope Cooper likes his.

The pressure is on. Well, maybe it's always been on, but I'm feeling it more now. What pressure? I hear you ask; well let me tell you: The pressure of having actual people read this blog. Back in the olden days when I began this, I would probably write whatever nonsense that I cared for, not considering the consequences my words might have on the world at large.

Now, however, I do feel that burden. I feel I can't write about somethings that weigh heavily on me because they would be taken the wrong way, or even the right way. I feel that every post must have some actual depth to it, rather than being meaningless babble. I can't post too much about this, or that or people will think I'm crazy, or hopeless, or whatever.

Blogging has suddenly become quite hard, but I guess I'll just keep trying my best. Sophie believes in me. She's been learning to smile at cameras, thanks to the somewhat excessive amount she sees them at her grandparents house.

This morning I completed something I've been tossing around for a while (ok, maybe a week and a half) and I feel like it came out really well. Maybe spending time thinking about what you are going to do before you do it does affect the end product. :P

So this is what it looks like. I used some ribbon that was on a present Fiona is giving Sophie for Easter and I'm sure some people will recognize the polka dots. Also used some more of the bias binding that Mum donated to the Paula-sews fund. 

When you open it up, you see this. Pretty boring right? What kind of a thing have I made my daughter anyhow? But if you flip to the back....

... you see this! And inside the pink pocket ...

... is this! All sorts of crazy bits of felt that I spent some time this morning cutting up. And with the felt you can be all creative and do ...

... this! Ok, I'm not that creative, but I'm sure my children will be. All in all I'm really happy with the finished product. As always it has it's small glitches. Sally the Sewing Machine can't get thread tension right, so the zig-zag's are messy, and the binding is a little too thin to cover the overclocked edge, but I changed the thread colours to match (most of the time) and even pinned before I sewed (most things). Well done me. :) 

It is beautiful and cool in the mornings when the sun is out. I love the quiet and the birds and the sun filtering through the windows. It's rather poetic. Morning is when Sophie is most content to lie around and investigate the world on her own. Morning has a lot of promise for the new day.

This week has been busy, or rather full. I've been working on finishing Activity Bags for when I have toddlers (talk about being organised). I've seen Ruth, done the shopping and I also went to prayer on Wednesday. Steve and I went to Ikea last night to sus out TV cabinet options.

I like being home and being a mum, but filling the week is a challenge and I don't know what I'd do if the week weren't full. It's easy to struggle with depression and ... I don't know. It must be the hardest thing about suddenly being at home all the time.

Last week, I noticed that Steve's "Mr Leigh" towel which we got from the Lee's for our engagement had some holes in it. Rather than throw away this lovely towel, I used the binding that mum gave me (though I doubt she had this purpose in mind) to make what was not-holey into washers and hand towels.

Sophie: defying gender stereotypes and social fashion demands in today's outfit for shopping. Robot onesie and matching pants, complemented with a rose floral jacket. I feel like if the jacket was black, she'd look like a tough biker because of it's slightly-too-big-ness.

Sometimes the days and weeks all blur into one, so it's good to have something to look back on and realize - I achieved that! To know that those days were not wasted or meaningless. :)

I cut out alphabet cards this week, in cardboard, then stuck colored cardboard on the front and wrapping paper on the back. It's now up on the wall in Sophie's room, looking pretty stunning I must say. The teacher in me is excited about it's learning potential. She could sort the letters by what color card they have on the front, or the back! Or by shapes!

For a while now we've just been stacking recycling on the bench, actually, now that I think of it, I'm not sure we've ever had a proper recycling bin. But that's all about to change! Thanks to having a child, I had a perfectly sized nappy box that fits under the beverage area. Now that it's covered and labeled  it's ready to become a recycling revolution.

Sewing projects 2 and 3 complete!

Firstly: Chair Covers. 

I came to the realization that kids are going to be messy and if I want my chairs to survive (which I do), I need some way of easily washing off the mess and protecting the current covers. Actually recovering these chairs would be way too much hassle  So I looked through my drawers of material, surfed the net to get chair covering inspiration and then came up with some covers. Overall I'm really happy with how they've turned out.

Secondly: The Bag.

I've noticed that while the current nappy bag that I have is lovely and large and fits everything in all it's nifty little pockets, sometimes it's just too big for where I'm going and I need something smaller with just the essentials. Again with some surfing of the net, I discovered a pattern for a cool stylish bag that looked like it would do the job. 

It was going to be a challenge though, because the pattern was a bit tricky and fiddly, but I thought, what they heck - I've started to read instructions! Maybe I can do this. So I looked through the drawers of material (no shopping for me!) and adjusted the pattern a little bit (it calls for something called Peltex, whatever that is) and began. Because I was using leftover material, there was not quite enough of the blue stripy to do the whole front, but I did some creative alternating with the plain blue and came up with something quite cool. 

I've been inspired by the quilt mum made for Sophie, so I traced one of the elephants for the top flap. I think it makes it look super cool, and really only took me a little extra time. 

  

You can see the tricky handle bits here. You may also notice that in the photos you never see the handles themselves  That's because despite following the instructions (or perhaps because I followed the instructions) I managed to sew them on incorrectly (going over the zip, rather than staying on the same side). Sigh. When I realized  Steve advised some unpicking, but I had just spent at least 2 hours sewing those ridiculous tricky bits (not to mention hand sewing parts because my machine went a bit crazy and was unusable for some sections). There was no way I was unpicking that.

I suppose if the handles annoy me, I can cut them in half and rejoin them to the appropriate sides, but I'll see how I go first I think. Inside has a number of divider pockets which are very cool and handy. 

Feeling very productive after this weekend. I'm now pretty much all out of the stripy blue material (thanks Ikea!) which was also used for curtains in our bedroom. Steve watched me start the bag and asked if I had taken the curtains down to make my most recent projects. 

Bag pattern found here: http://sewmamasew.com/blog2/september2010/StyleStitches.pdf

I've been thinking this morning about priorities. Possibly because yesterday in the car, Carrie and I spoke about the way some women say they love their children more than their husbands. I don't think this is the way it's supposed to be. I mean, children are important, but after 20 years of slogging your guts out raising them, they leave. Your husband is the one who stays till death. I want my hierarchy of love to be God, then Steve and then Sophie.

Anyway, back to priorities.

I've noticed that I've been neglecting my quiet times a lot since becoming a mum. And when I say a lot, I mean they are pretty non-existent. I suppose it's a culmination of factors that have lead to this - I finished my last quiet time series (reading the bible chronologically through the year) just before Sophie was born and I didn't really have anything in mind to start after that. Actually, the book I was going to read and, indeed, did start reading, was misplaced at the hospital. The first few weeks of raising a child proved to be very draining, time consuming and any spare time I did have was mostly consumed by sleep.

But now, I'm getting enough sleep and Sophie is usually calm enough in the mornings most days to give me time to myself. There is really no excuse. I've had time to cook, clean, make jackets, chair covers and even go shopping, not to mention time to see people, but seemingly no time to spend with God.

What's wrong with my priorities? I wake up in the morning and after feeding Sophie, I check my email. And then (shamefully) Facebook. Then I wash up, and do a tidy of the house. Sometimes I'll put on a movie while I do some sewing.

I've got hours here. What happened to spending 15 mins with God? Why isn't that a priority anymore? Laziness and complacency has set in and I need to get out of this cycle and get my priorities straight.

What good is a clean house and chair covers if my relationship with God is in disrepair?

News Flash! 

I just got a new watch band. 

I've finished the second kimono wrap for Sophie. :D I think it is most excellent. It's much more refined than the first one. I actually bothered to change the thread color this time to match for example. I didn't bother with the French Seams (although I have nothing against them in particular) because I used Olivia the Overlocker on all the seams. Olivia is 21 this year.

I had to do a substantial amount of creative cutting to get the material out of the scraps that I had, but also managed to hide all the joining seams in hidden places, so from the front, it looks as if it's practically perfect (kind of like Mary Poppins!). I also cut strips of the fabric and used that to do the edges, rather than use bias binding. I think it looks rather stunning. Excited for winter when Sophie can wear it.

Until then - let's put her in a bowl!

Sewing Project One: Kimono Wrap.

In an effort to make sure I don't go insane and have something to do that I can easily put down when interrupted, I made this last week. I got the pattern from sewmammasew.com which has a fair few patterns and tutorials.

Strangely for me, I actually read the instructions before I began to sew. The instructions told me to do "French Seams" which I had never done before and didn't really see the point in now, but rather than ignore this, I decided that I could try a second new thing and actually follow the instructions. I can now do French Seams.

I did have to do some adjusting of the pattern because the original has the wrap going right over left, which is terrible and not at all Japanese, but it was fairly simple to wrap left over right instead and I'm happy with the finished product.

It is for a 3 month old, so it won't fit Sophie for another 2 months or so. I was going to put it on her and take a photo so we could all have a good laugh at how silly she looked, but then decided that might be bad mothering, so I resisted the temptation.

Here is some other material I've dug out of the seemingly endless amount inherited from Mum that I'll use to make wrap number 2. I'm sure I had some PJ's made out of this when I was small.

Kimono Wrap Pattern found here: http://www.sewmamasew.com/blog2/october2010/SMSKimonoWrapBettsyKingston.pdf

General observation: Having a child means that almost everything is inconvenient.

I'm not complaining, or saying that I never want to do things, but my younger sister said to me on Tuesday "When would be convenient for you?" and I realized that really, I can't tell her, because maybe Sophie will eat and sleep at the same time as yesterday, and then again, maybe not. I can plan things around what I think will be when she's asleep or awake or whatever, but really, there is no telling when she'll be hungry or tired or whatever!

Maybe when she's older and there is more routine, but right now, every day is a mystery. Who knows when things will happen! I'm surprisingly not too bothered by this disruption to my otherwise organised life. I think I'm coping well with the unexpected nature of life. Weird.

Yesterday, I made these Italian Lemon Biscuits with several interruptions and at one stage with Sophie sitting happily in the papoose.

These are delicious.

Hooray for the return of productivity today! This morning while Sophie slept, I swept the house, hung out a load of washing, washed down the two new doors and promptly got carried away with the bucket of sugar soap and washed down another few doors in the house for good measure. Then I used some Magic Eraser on some marks on the walls I've been meaning to get rid of for ages and cleaned up the kitchen. Then it was 10:00am.

So good to be productive again. Not looking forward to the time that Sophie will refuse to lay happily in her crib while I'm productive, but I'll make the most of it while I can. :D

Our First World Problem is now solved! We can now enter the house via the front door.

For over two years now, Steve and I have been traipsing up the back stairs to gain access to our house but no more! On Monday, two guys came around, did some hard work for 12 hours and now, we have two somewhat shiny doors with matching locks.

There is still a little bit of work to do; Steve is putting in magnetic clip things to stop the doors banging, and I'll have to putty and varnish the ugly bit on the front door at some stage, but right now, I can't complain. Working doors! Hooray!

The door guys also replaced the back screen door and built a proper door jam for it. So many doors!

Daughter

I have a daughter. Strange, but surprisingly not as hard to comprehend as I thought it would be. Home at last, but I have to say that the overall sleep deprivation of being a parent is difficult to cope with.

So while Steve was on holidays last week, he had some boys around and did some hard backyard action. It was a crazy backyard blitz working bee that lasted most of the day (and actually didn't really get finished until 5 days later, but no one is complaining about that, least of all me. :) ). 

John and Wade turned up pretty early and pulled out some trees around the front before the came round the back and got started with the BBQ. I was thinking the BBQ would take quite a bit of time, but they managed to pull apart the bessablocks like pros and the whole thing came apart like lego really. 

All the bessablocks are stacked under the stairs now. Ready to be a garden edging or a bookshelf. :D 

The boys also took out the large chunk of cement that has always lived in the middle of our yard for no apparent reason. Again, something we were thinking would take a long long time, but actually was just a matter of levering it up. Sarah's Steve turned up to help then too. You can see the bit I did in this photo.  I lopped off most of a tree at the very back corner and then sharpened an axe. It was a quality contribution to the day. Then I contented myself with providing refreshments and food for the hard workers. 

Good thing Melissa and Sarah were around to help lift the drainage into the trench the boys dug. This was probably the most time consuming part of the day. They took out more trees and dug the trench and then figured out how to put the drain together before they mixed the cement and put it all in.

We were short just a bit of cement, but Steve and I finished that off after another few trips to Bunnings. Backyard work seems to compound on itself quite easily. Digging the trench leads to putting the drain in, which meant that we had to sledge part of the fence cement on the side to put the drain around the house, which then needs to be joined up with the storm water drain, so we need to dig another trench and get some more pipe and take out another tree to do all that. It goes on and on. Thankfully it's all mostly back in order now. Going to get some Sir Walter for the big brown patch in the middle of the lawn. Too bad I didn't get more of the garden bed cleaned up before pregnancy became too much for me. Oh well. 

For the last 3 weeks I've been on the count down. Reading the bible chronologically through the year has meant that it's been easy to keep track of really, because the last 3 weeks have read Week 50, Week 51 and Week 52 at the bottom of the page. Now I'm there. Yesterday was day 365 and the count down is over.

Now the waiting begins.